By Noor-Jehan Yoro Badat
The women had only one thing on their minds - sex. They had taken time out of their frenetic schedules to gather, one frigid evening, at Tanz Cafe in Bryanston, to figure out how to "bring sexy back" into their lives.
The evening's talk was a teaser for a series of upcoming workshops headed by Sharon Gordon, a former lawyer and owner of the popular sensuality store, Lola Montez.
As the women, whose ages ranged from their late 20s to early 50s, sipped their wine and chatted animatedly to each other, Gordon observed them from the side.
Quickly glancing at her watch, she moved towards the little stage near the entrance of the cafe. A hush settled in the room as she welcomed everyone. Whether their husbands had encouraged them to come or whether they were simply curious, everyone had their own reasons for being there.
Gordon opened the proceedings with a ribald joke, breaking the ice and eliciting laughter from the crowd.
"What is the sexiest thing you can wear?" she asked.
Glances were exchanged and a few bravely offered some suggestions.
"Stockings?"
"Sexy underwear?"
"Lipstick, maybe?"
It's attitude, Gordon said with a smile.
And then she asked: "What is the biggest cause of a low libido?"
Kids, many replied.
"Stress," she corrected. "And the oracle, who is Oprah, says if you have 200 orgasms a year you can look four years younger. "
Gordon related that the first time she realised that being sexy was an attitude was when she attended a pole-dancing class. She met two women.
The first, said Gordon, was simply the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. "But when she touched that pole, she was completely sexless.
"Next up was a large, big-breasted woman. And when she danced with that pole, every woman in the room was just in awe."
It doesn't matter what size you are, Gordon told the audience, if you believe it then you will be it.
To illustrate a few simple tricks that transformed her looks, Gordon took off her flat knee-length boots, and slipped on a pair of black high heels. She peeled off the black wrap-around dress from her slim figure to reveal a black velvet mini, a fitted dress that she had worn 26 years ago. She held up a compact mirror to the light and applied red lipstick. Then, fluffing her hair slightly, she turned to the crowd. "Do I look different?"
"Yeah, baby," volunteered someone from the back.
"The minute you put heels on, the girls come out to play," she said of her buns and breasts.
"You stand up straighter and your bum sticks out. A simple lipstick, a dress and heels can make you feel much better," Gordon explained.
With the crowd now more relaxed, Gordon told them to get up and dance. Joe Cocker's song, Leave Your Hat On, filled the room.
Slowly, and then more rhythmically, the hips started swaying, as more and more women got into the groove.
Three women in particular stood out. Sensuality defined their every move, as they tossed their hair and writhed to the music. Not surprisingly, they were each given a prize for their erotic dancing.
The evening wore on, interspersed with a short talk by Sophie Narcyz, a consciousness coach, which centered on shifting one's mind to creating a sexy complex. Then Gordon announced that a table had been set up packed with sex toys for anyone keen to make a purchase. It was a chance to speak to some of the women in the audience.
"It's exciting to learn how you can bring spice back into your life. I have a great sex life, but I also want more eroticism and sensuality. So I'm going to try to attend the workshops," said Jeanette Smith, 44, who is married.
Melody Eggar, 30, who sat at another table, said that the more she attended this kind of event, the more comfortable she felt with her sexuality.
Her weight, she said, was always an issue for her. "It gets easier. Something eventually hits home. It is about changing the attitude, and it's something that you constantly have to work on, like homework," said Eggar. "My sex life is good and exciting, but I think I just need a little bit of encouragement."
Was her husband aware that she was here tonight?
She laughed. "He has Lola Montez on his speed dial."
For Andrea Graham, a time management trainer and mother of two, the evening was an eye-opener. It was the first time she had attended such a function. "When you have kids and work, you have little else but stress," she said. "Life becomes hectic and busy.
"It becomes more difficult to feel sexy. And you also don't want it to be as if you are passing each other in the night... So it's all about a mind shift and consciously applying that sexy attitude," said Graham.
She had asked some of her friends to come, but it "wasn't their type of thing", she said. "More women should actually come to these things because there are many who are not keen to explore that side of themselves."
Another woman, a 28-year-old who only wanted to be called by her "porn name", "Yummy Buns", was with a friend, 27, who wanted to be identified as "Champagne Supernova".
"We find it hard to talk about sex with our friends," said Buns. "There's the view that as girls you're supposed to remain quite chaste. And even if you're not, you're not supposed to talk about it.
"And when we do talk about it, there's almost a sense that you're being judged," added Supernova.
Buns explained that she knew a lot of young women didn't feel sexy because they were either misguided in their view of sex, or lacked the confidence and attitude to pull off that sex appeal.
"It's really all about confidence and when that manifests itself, it will show," said Buns.
"Obviously, when women are associating sexuality with something dirty, it affects their relationship with people and they harbour a low view of themselves," chimed in Supernova.
Do they both think about sex a lot?
"All the time," they said enthusiastically.
"And women who say they don't are big fat liars," said Buns.
- For more information on the "Bringing Sexy Back" workshop coming up in June, contact Sharon Gordon at 011 880 3358.