Want to increase your confidence in the bedroom? GLAMOUR magazine asked a panel of experts to put together a top 10 guide to sexual self-belief.
1. Go on... talk dirty
"Don't fall for the cliche that nice girls don't talk dirty," says Tracey Cox, GLAMOUR's relationship coach.
"If you're mostly sweet and innocent, the contrast of talking dirty in bed can be a massive turn on. But you don't necessarily need to use rude words. Give a commentary of what your partner's doing and how it feels."
According to Carol Queen, author of Exhibitionism For The Shy (Down There Press, R127,61, Exclusive Books), these myths are curbing fulfilment. "Women enjoy sex less than they could because they try to be 'nice' and fear anything that makes them look 'bad'," she says. "If you believe in this distinction, you're 'bad' if you have sex at all! Accept that you're a sexual being and learn to enjoy yourself. Erotic talk can make sex more pleasurable because it's sexy in itself and because it opens communication between you and your partner."
2. He wants you to take the lead
"Men are brought up to be sexual instigators," says Tracey. "And they take that role because they think that is what's expected of them. A common complaint I hear from men about women is, 'She always lies back and does nothing.' I don't think there's a man out there who wouldn't be turned on if you made the moves."
Lucy, 28, almost lost her man by waiting for him to take the lead in bed. "He didn't say anything for a year until one night we got drunk and he blurted out that he couldn't imagine staying with me because I didn't like sex. Until then, I didn't know there was a problem."
Lucy took the initiative and something must've worked - they're now married.
3. The perfect woman's a fantasy
"Women take the images of perfection in men's magazines too personally, but the truth is, the 'ideal' has nothing to do with reality," says body language expert Judi James. "To turn him on in real life, and to keep him turned on, there are a whole different set of ideals, which involve chemistry, personality, scent, sound and touch."
"The image may work on paper, but that doesn't make this woman his ideal partner," Judi continues. "Just think of all those beautiful celebs who've been cheated on or whose relationships have failed. Sienna Miller, Jennifer Aniston, Uma Thurman... They may be men's ultimate fantasy, but that's all they are - a fantasy."
4. Love your curves
When did it become law that only small sizes look good in lingerie? Says Judi, "The sexy stuff like corsets are ideal for non-models as they shape lumpy bits and turn you into a voluptuous goddess. Men like women who like themselves and sexy underwear is proof that you're naughty and adventurous. The impact for men is psychological rather than aesthetic."
Sarah, 30, and size 14, has a drawer full of scarves and see-through gowns. "They tease your partner - they reveal, then hide," she says. "They actually make me feel more confident, not less. I couldn't live without them."
5. Stop worrying about your flaws - if you're naked, he's turned on...
When men and women are presented with pictures of naked women, it's the women who notice the cellulite and flab. Men just like visual stimulation. "Worrying about being naked is one inhibition you really need to lose," says Judi.
"This was a sore point between me and my partner," says Mandy, 31. "I couldn't bear it when the lights were on but Ben hated having sex in the dark. We finally compromised on candles, which were softer and more forgiving. I became less inhibited and accepted that if Ben liked me enough to have sex with me week in, week out, there was nothing he was going to see that would change his mind. And, men have issues, too. Terror of inadequate penis size. Absence of six-pack. They trust us not to scrutinise them but to enjoy them and we need to do the same."
6. Know how sexy roleplay can be
"Anybody, male or female, may feel a bit silly with the idea of roleplay," says Tracey. "It may feel a bit like doctors and nurses when you were kids. But there are simple ways of doing it that can minimise the embarrassment and maximise your enjoyment. For example, go shopping with him and buy a sexy dress, make him put on a suit and go out on a first date again."
"Some guys won't want to dress up, but others are probably just waiting for a partner who's up for it," says Carol. "You won't know unless you bring it up. Do so around the time of a fancy dress party."
Suzie, a 27-year-old with a passion for roleplay, was worried about how her new partner would react - but an event with a Roman theme proved the perfect cover. "I was a slave, he was my master and when we got home, we stayed in our roles a little longer."
7. Sometimes spontaneity is overrated
"We often think of passion as being 'spontaneous'," says sex expert Dr Robert Lawrence. "A classic theme is that you fall into bed so turned on that he rips off your clothes and ravishes you. If you deconstruct this myth, you'll find you'll need clothes, a bed, bedding, privacy... Think about it: most sex is really not that spontaneous. It can be very sexy to tell a man what you want and it's sexy to fantasise, plan and get your props ready to go - whether it's Champagne, condoms or sex toys."
"People who desire spontaneity often really mean that they don't want to risk embarrassment by talking about sex," adds Tracey.
"And you also have to be prepared for the fact that if you're going to show your partner what you want in bed, the first session may feel more instructional than sexy. But after the first three sessions, you will have forgotten that you ever had to guide him."
8. Know what turns him off...
"If you're naked and in the room with him, you're sexy," says Tracey. In fact, the three biggest complaints men have about sex, she says, have nothing to do with how you look. The most common turn off is when women look like they don't enjoy sex.
"The next is about touch," she continues. "Women have thinner skin and like a soft touch, while men like a stronger touch. Many men say women touch them so softly it's actually frustrating."
The final complaint is about women refusing to give oral sex. "A man can see this as rejection, since it denies him the most intense orgasm."
Experiment until you find a position for oral sex you're both happy with.
9. Love the man who tells you what he loves
"Don't be offended by this, he's being open and honest," says Tracey.
"What works for one person won't work for another. We're happy to talk about what we want to eat, what music we like, what films, what clothes. Why should sex be different? It's a compliment that he trusts you and thinks you're worth telling."
Kerry, 24, squirmed when her partner told her how he liked to be touched. "But I realised I should be grateful. It made me more open, too - and sex has become better and better."
10. Want to try something new? Then say so...
"Don't worry for a second that he'll think you're slutty if you suggest a daring new position," says Tracey. "Men get turned on by knowing that they're turning you on. If they know they're doing something you love - and that you're having great sex - then it's a much better experience for both of you.
"But some ways of suggesting that you try new positions are better than others," she continues.
"If you just say you really love something, images of you doing it with your past lovers will float into his mind." And that may seem like a hard act to follow.
"So, combine it with a little white lie," she suggests. Say, 'My friend tried this and said it was amazing' or, even better, 'I read about this in GLAMOUR and I'd love to try it'!"
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