Have you ever been on a date that you thought went really well and then you didn’t hear from him again? Today, more than ever, women are smart, savvy and independent. We have a lot to offer and demand more in return.
As a relationship coach and matchmaker, I have heard first hand from hundreds of men about what turns them off on a first date.
Don't speak about past relationships
A first date should be light and fun. The first mistake a lot of women make, is that they give too much information about past relationships.
If you’re sitting across the table from this man; it means that all previous relationships have failed. Why would you want to dump all of these failures onto a new person? Some women go on a rant about how badly the ex-boyfriend treated them.
They let the anger and disappointment spew out. Remember you are venting about a member of the same species as the one sitting in front of you. In his mind, he sees you as a “man-hater”.
He’s afraid that if he got into a relationship with you, you will one day be talking about him in the same way. As much as we hurt when a relationship ends and we are often thrown into the depths of angst and despair; a first date is not the place to get into a detailed conversation about your last relationship.
That stuff should be first dealt with with a coach or a trusted friend who has the ability to deal with your pain and move you into a better space.
Set boundaries
Mistake number 2 is often made by women who have been alone for some time and are feeling really lonely.
They know that they have a lot to give and try to “win” him over by offering to do things for him. You ask about his favourite food and offer to cook for him. He tells you he has kids and you tell him how much you love kids and immediately make plans to meet them. The most dangerous one is jumping into bed with him on a first date.
It immediately puts you into the “sex only” zone and you’re no longer girlfriend material. He will assume that you do that with every man you meet. Men will certainly test the waters and try to charm you into bed; but he will respect you a lot more when he sees that you have boundaries and he has to earn his time with you.
He sees you as a quality woman, who is far from desperate. Girlfriend material!
Allow him to be a gentleman
Mistake number 3 seems so harmless, but it’s one that crushes his ego.
Since women are far more independent today than ever before and we are used to taking care of ourselves; we’ve forgotten how to let the man be the man. This very independent woman feels she doesn’t want to be “indebted” to anyone and insists on paying her half or all of the bill.
She doesn’t want to feel that she owes him anything. A real man wants to take care of “his” lady. He wants to feel like the hunter did when he brought home the meat. He wants to feel like he can provide for you and make you happy. So ladies, he wants to know that he can win with you. He wants to feel needed.
My advice to you when you go on your next date, is to relax, be yourself and be curious. Find out who he is right now instead of trying to figure out why the last woman left him.
Love yourself enough to talk about what you love instead of who hurt you.
* Kas Naidoo is a relationship coach and matchmaker. For more information, visit www.nextlevelup.co.za