If you are wondering if your partner is right for you, ask yourself if you are a better you when you are with them, says Adele Green.
One of the top relationship questions on Google is that people want to know what to do when they think they are in love with someone who is not their partner.
With that in mind, this week’s question comes from Thabang in Soweto: “Can taking a break from a relationship work?"
Immediately we consider both timing and compatibility. Why would anyone need a break from their relationship? Have they already considered leaving their partner for good?
Is asking for a temporary break an easy let-down? And, if you take a break, do you have the skills to revive a thriving, passionate relationship again?
If you are wondering if your partner is right for you, ask yourself if you are a better you when you are with them?
Co-dependent people who lose their individual identities inside their partnerships find the thought of a relationship break scary. Who would they be without their partner, even for a short time? If this is you, then a break will be great for you.
Strong people are attracted to strong people. How confident and independent you were before you were a couple is often what attracted your partner. Once a relationship is sealed, an identity becomes merged around one partner, while the other partner finds the one whose identity is merged around them less interesting. For people like these, breaks are fantastic! Every time you are on your own, you discover how to take care of yourself a little better.
A break is not great if your partner wants to be with someone else, and that someone is already on their radar. This most certainly is the end of the road for those who just want to feel justified about leaving their partner.
The benefit of being alone for a while is that we reconnect with our own needs. We think more clearly and regroup our energy.
When we reconnect with our partner, our relationship is revived. Because you missed each other, you are less likely to take things for granted. With it comes appreciation for small things.
When you focus on you, you nurture the soul. It is a great idea to take a solo holiday once a year.
Time alone helps us to grow in confidence and self-awareness instead of relying on our partners. What you learn is now easier to share with your partner. With each return it is because you choose to be with your partner again.
If you cannot let your partner go because you fear that they will not return, ask yourself: “Why can’t I trust my ability to draw my partner back towards me?”
* Adelé Green provides answers here when posted on www.adele-green.com/askadele/ or a confidential, fee-for-service, individual coaching via Skype to men and women. Also listen to #360Brunch on mix93.fm on Sundays.