Here’s an idea: Post a picture of yourself living your best life on Instagram and tag your ex.
It's time for single people of the world to unite and say no, we don’t want your fluffy teddies, red roses and dinner for two.
February 14 is a breeding ground of subtle contempt from the attached friends in our lives because, although they won’t admit it, they secretly envy the life of a singleton.
Even Twitter is getting in on the act, sharing all sorts of feels.
Chef and comedian Lebogang Tlokana (@Thefunnychef) recently had her followers in stitchers when she posted a short video entitled “F*ck Valentine” in response to “when you single and everyone tryna force Valentine on you”. We feel you Lebogang, and that’s why we’re taking back our power and naming the day after Valentine’s Day as Single’s Day (recognised as Single Awareness Day in some countries). From today onwards Feb 15 will be a celebration of all things unromantic. So let’s ditch the sentimental Hallmark cards and be more self-indulgent, because, let’s face - no one else will love you like you do.
If you don’t want to take our word for it, we’ve enlisted some of South Africa’s famously-single and unsingle (yes, it is a word) celebs for their take on Single’s Day.
“I’m saving up for a special someone”
I’m staying single because where do puppets even go on dates? Toys R Us? Nobody considers the advantages of dating a puppet. I only talk if you put words in my mouth.
I can only cheat on you if you leave me lying around. If you want to divorce me you don’t need a lawyer, you can just sell me on Gumtree.
I even tried dating an H&M mannequin once, but it didn’t work out. She was racist and had issues with the EFF. So I’m going to be single this Valentine’s day. I’m rather saving up for a special someone. She costs R16 000 and you have to order her online - Chester Missing, comedian Conrad Koch’s other half and political commentator
“Not having to share a bottle of wine”
My favourite Valentine’s experience as a single person: Not having to share the bottle of red wine during my solo date night. There have been a few those! - Marco Spaumer, actor and presenter, best known for his starring role on kykNET soapie Suidooster
“Happy Independence Day”
To all the single Valentines day lovers, I say Happy Independence Day - it truly gets worse.
I have been in this long-distance relationship with Me and I’m still trying to find myself. I guess it’s true what they say - love will find you…NOT without an address.
If you’re single this Valentine’s day, stay away from the magazine's relationship section, you might just find yourself staring at the lonely truth which is you, reading alone.
I should probably think about having a relationship, this single happiness can’t last forever… - comedian Shimmy Isaacs
“Single or not, Feb 14th isn’t getting any of my money”
Valentine’s Day, Shmalentine’s Day.
You know V-Day always reminds me of being in school and getting super excited in case I got a rose. We sat in assembly and were called up to get our roses. I never got roses.
Then my dad felt bad so he would always send me roses. It was so sweet. But also made me feel quite sorry for myself. So now I genuinely don’t play V-Day games. Single or not. Feb 14th isn’t getting any of my money - Keri Miller, ECR DJ
* Catch Conrad Koch's Puppet Guy at the Baxter Theatre (April 3-14) and the Studio Theatre Montecasino (April 25 - May 27)