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How to build a better relationship with yourself

Our relationship with yourself is arguably the most important relationship in life. Picture: Pexels/Pavel Danilyuk

Our relationship with yourself is arguably the most important relationship in life. Picture: Pexels/Pavel Danilyuk

Published Feb 26, 2021


One’s relationship with oneself is crucial to proper development. It’s about healthy self-love.Your relationship with yourself is arguably the most important relationship in life.

Experts say If you do not love yourself entirely and actively ensure your own needs are met, you will find it difficult to do the same for others.

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In doing that, relationship expert, Zaid K. Dahhaj says it’s important to know that how you treat yourself is how you will treat others. “You see, it is easy – without realising it –  to neglect the one person in your life who is your partner in everything that you do and are: you.

This is why, ironically, the most selfless thing you can do is to be self-centred (albeit not selfish).”

Psychology Today, a mental health hub says we learn so much from key figures – parents, siblings, family, peers, and other adults –about how to relate with oneself. “What is good, and what is bad – what pleases them, and what they clearly don’t like. Early in development, relationships with others shape the relationship with oneself. There are intrinsic tendencies about the relationship with oneself as well. As we grow up, the way we are treated by others, and the way those others deal with themselves, serve as important factors influencing how we address ourselves as adults.”

Does the idea of building a relationship with yourself scare you? Well you may not be alone in that scary thought. Some people go to great lengths to not spend time alone because it makes them feel uncomfortable. Instead, they seek out love and attention from others in order to validate their own sense of happiness.

A study published by Science titled Just think: The challenges of the disengaged mind, showed that people would rather give themselves electric shocks than be alone with their thoughts for just 15 minutes

As difficult as it may be, spending time with yourself and building a relationship with yourself is very important it can improve your relationships with others.

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If you don’t know how, here's how you can start:

Turn off social media

Take a day off from social media every week to actually live your life in realtime, not through a box. It’ll help you become more present and increase joy.

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Evaluate your relationship with yourself

It’s important to evaluate the relationship you have with yourself. Ask yourself: would you speak to someone else the way you speak about yourself.

Mirror work

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Look at yourself in the mirror. Stare deep into your eyes and say: I deeply love and accept you. Being able to spend time with yourself and celebrating your flaws has proven to lead to a good relationship with self.

Focus on your inner world

A healthy relationship with yourself also includes being aware of your internal processes. Be aware of your thoughts and how they are making you feel. Ask yourself questions such a: What am I feeling? What am I thinking?

Regularly make time for yourself.

Have your me time during the day. This may include 10 minutes to drink your coffee without anyone, tv or your cell phone. In between your work schedule, you can take a 10 minutes walk to just talk to yourself.

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