Question: I am dating someone well-known in our community (think respected blogger in a certain field). I am really into him, but I also feel that I don't have a sense of being on a level playing field with him.
I had gotten used to feeling pretty accomplished, at least on par with who I date, and I tend to feel like I'm the attractive one in a relationship. Now I feel like I'm the appendage. He's not famous-famous, but I feel eclipsed in his circles.
I don't like what this says about me, though, and I'm wondering if it will get better with time. Is there a way to get over this? Or do I need to be the star in the relationship?
Answer: You're dating someone with whom there is a new dynamic and balance of power and status, and that may take some adjustment. It doesn't necessarily mean anything negative about you.
After all, a history of always feeling like the attractive one in your relationships could mean many things - from being smokin' hot while not needing partners to be that way (great!), or pathologically needing your partners to feel grateful just for getting to hold your hand in public (not so great).
There's no way for me to know here, but I'll err on the side of not pathologizing: You're human, your partner is not the typical partner, and so your reaction is natural and understandable.
Give it time and see where it goes. You've said nothing about what this guy is actually like and whether you like that - regardless of his fawning admirers. Ultimately, you choose to be with the person, not the image. And the positives will either overrule the negatives or they won't.The Washington Post