QUESTION: Since splitting from my long-term boyfriend five years ago, I have developed incredibly strong relationships with gay men. I feel they completely understand me and I can be myself with them.
These relationships are very fulfilling and I feel loved, cherished and adored. But even though I know they are gay, I have fallen quite deeply in love with some of them and I worry it’s stopping me from meeting straight men.
I do want to get married one day. But I’m worried I will never meet anyone who lives up to them.
ANSWER: Plenty of women will read this and say: “Welcome to my world!” I doubt Liza Minnelli would have survived without her coterie of gay admirers and Lily Allen even penned a song called Fag Hag with the lyrics: “I know you’ll always look out for me.”
Many straight women feel their GBFs (Gay Best Friends) provide more loyal and loving support than any straight men they’ve known. This is all well and good - apart from two major catches.
First, you can find yourself stuck in a world where the chance of meeting a straight bloke is roughly the same as being struck by a small asteroid.
Second, it’s hard to spend time around witty, attractive, charismatic men of whatever sexual persuasion without falling for them. What adds to the confusion is that many gay men defy all the social stereotyping and aren’t the least bit effeminate.
The central issue here is are your gay friends stopping you meeting Mr Heterosexual? Almost certainly, is my guess - although you can’t blame these men, so much as your own delusions.
After the pain of ending a long relationship you found a safe place to deposit your emotions and have attractive men say you are fabulous. It’s easy to idealise a relationship where there’s no sex or fear of betrayal, involved.
Falling in love with gay friends is not only unwise in terms of your own future welfare, it can also jeopardise the very friendships you cherish. Every gay man I know has a tale of women who have become utterly infatuated, but after a while all that unwanted passion becomes irritating.
I don’t mean to sound harsh. I totally understand how compelling such friendships can be. I wonder, though, if you’re so starry-eyed about your mates that you’re frightened of introducing a straight man into the charmed circle for fear of him being judged and found lacking.
The truth is you’ve got to start treating your gay friends more like good female mates. Apart from anything else, you need to spend more time in environments where you are likely to meet straight men. Use dating sites and press your female friends to make introductions.
Equally, you could easily find that your taste in straight men differs radically to your taste in gay men. Don’t spurn buttoned-up, fashion-hating men who would rather shoot themselves than discuss their emotions, because you’ll rule out 60 percent of straight British males.
Finally, don’t let fear of losing your gay friends stop you looking for a new partner. They’ll probably love you even more when you cease focusing your emotional hunger on them. - Daily Mail