File photo: Is it really about your husband, or is dissatisfaction with him a symptom of something perhaps even bigger? Picture: Pexels

Sometimes the real thing falls short of your hopes and goals for a sound marriage, says Andrea Bonior.

Question: I'm just not happy in my marriage, but I can't put my finger on why. My husband is good to me, and a good father to our two children. 

But I have been pulling away from him for a long time, and I don't particularly like being with him. I know it's not fair to him, but I also don't really know what's wrong.

Answer: It's good that you're self-aware enough to see the big picture without turning your malaise into blame and constant conflict with your husband. 

There isn't an easy answer here; I'm guessing anything from depression to a temporary emotional disconnect to fundamental incompatibility is at hand. 

How compartmentalized is your unhappiness: Is it really about your husband, or is dissatisfaction with him a symptom of something perhaps even bigger? 

Did your feelings shift substantially at some point, or has this been a gradual freeze? What were your hopes and goals for married life, and motherhood, and in what ways are they falling short - and what can you do about it? 

Starting with individual counseling would be wise, giving you insight into what needs to be fixed - and how.