Polygamy. It does sound like having the best of both worlds, having your cake and eating it, and all the other fantasies that go along with having more than one partner.
When “Idols SA” judge Somizi Mhlongo-Motaung mentioned this week, in the latest episode of Dinner At Somizi’s that he wouldn’t mind more than one husband, flashbacks of Sister Wives went through my mind.
Undoubtedly, a polygamous marriage sounds like lots of hard work, never mind the psychological strength that goes into being the “other one”.
In some countries and even South Africa cultures, it’s permitted, but only under strict conditions.
Under Islamic law, for example, a man can take up to four wives, as long as he treats them all equally.
In the US, the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS Church), polygamy is one of the cornerstones of their beliefs.
Even our very own former president Jacob Zuma has five spouses in his Zulu household.
It brings up a very important question: If polygamy is still practised today, does it mean it’s a workable alternative to monogamy?
In his book, For Better For Worse, psychologist and author Neel Burton discusses polygamy extensively.
"“A man who takes more than one wife satisfies more of his sexual appetites, signals high social status and generally feels better about himself," argues Burton.
“Polygamy might even benefit the women involved, who may come to enjoy one another’s company, and share out the burdens of housekeeping and childrearing.”
Of course, there is a downside.
Burton says polygyny sanctions and perpetuates gender inequality, with co-wives officially and patently subordinated to their husband.
It’s also been found that “women in polygynous unions tend to marry at a younger age, into a set-up that, by its very nature, fosters jealousy, competition, and conflict”.
A paper published in the World Journal of Psychiatry found the following: “Studies conducted in different countries have shown that polygamy can lead to co-wife jealousy, competition, and unequal distribution of household and emotional resources, and generate acrimony between co-wives and between the children of the different wives.”
Call me lazy or my unwillingness to give into a social construct built on patriarchy, but the polygamous life is not for me.
Who knows, maybe it could work in Somizi’s case where all men are equal.
Me, I’d rather choose messy monogamy.