‘My husband gives terrible gifts’

The research, carried out by Debenhams Wedding Service, found that as much as �25.4-million is wasted by friends and family every year on wedding presents for the happy couple.

The research, carried out by Debenhams Wedding Service, found that as much as �25.4-million is wasted by friends and family every year on wedding presents for the happy couple.

Published Dec 12, 2014

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Dear Prudence,

My husband is all the usual things: Smart! Funny! Caring! He has, however, turned into a horrible gift giver.

He used to be quite creative, but our lives have become busier as we've become older. We have a child, a house and more demanding careers. I'm not looking for extravagant gifts, I'm just looking for a little consideration and I know he has it in him.

For the price of the half-dead grocery store flowers I received on our recent anniversary, I would have loved to have been taken out to my favourite bar for a drink.

This wouldn't be a big problem, except for the fact that we are hosting the holidays this year. My entire family will be with us on Christmas morning. I'm still smarting from the flowers, and I'm afraid if I open another so-so gift I'll cry! We are a really close family and they'll be able to read my face no matter how hard I try to keep it in check.

We also are the kind of family that opens each present painfully slowly and ohh and ahh over every one. Should I bring this up with my spouse, and how do I not sound shallow?

No Poker Face

 

Dear Poker,

Your husband is not all the usual things. From my inbox the usual things are Addicted to Porn! Chronically Unemployed! Volatile Temper!

So your husband is a gem, one who remembered your anniversary. My husband is a gem too, and when he surprised me with the last bouquet of half-dead subway flowers for Valentine's Day, I was thrilled.

It's true I'm insensitive and not a gift person, but I understand that other people are gift persons. I even know about The 5 Love Languages and that “receiving gifts” is one of them. Of course, if I were married to such a love-language person, that would make me want to cite another love language, “words of affirmation,” and say to you, “Stop being such a pain about gifts.”

There seem to be two issues here: One is that you want thoughtful gifts from your husband, the other is that you expect him to read your mind. So speak up. If you wanted to go to your favourite bar for you anniversary, in advance of it you should have told him and arranged for a babysitter.

You have an opportunity this Christmas to tell him what you want. You can even hand him a catalog with an item circled in pen, or show him the website where he can order the leather tote you've been desiring. Then, when your family indulges in its fetishistic gift opening practices, you will not have to worry about your chin quivering like Claire Danes' on “Homeland.”

Prudie

* Emily Yoffe is an advice columnist, using the name Prudence. Please send your questions for publication to [email protected]. Questions may be edited.

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