When a relationship becomes “conscious”, that’s when you decide to be independent and free inside of it, says relationship expert Adele Green.
Relationships are not goals to achieve; they do not fit neatly on a list of accomplishments, nor do they ever stop demanding us to become more than we ever thought we could be.
When a relationship becomes “conscious”, that’s when you decide to be independent and free inside of it. And you become a whole person rather than half of the whole.
This week’s question comes from Adelaide in Paulshof: “Can a conscious relationship win a man’s heart?”
It is said that the way to a man’s heart is through is stomach. But, I get the feeling that this is not what you are asking about, Adelaide.
Whether we strive from goal to goal or for the perfect relationship, the problem is being addicted to projects.
Relationships are work in progress where you can, and should, stop and be appreciative of your relationship.
Relationships are processes without beginnings or ends from where we can get a sense of achievement.
You can never acquire a person, you can relate to them.
Relationship can be compared to “happiness”. You collect the glimpses and moments which compose fractions of time when you are aware of an inner state of being of joy or beauty.
Your meanings are given by the observer from within.
In the movie The Mexican, the scriptwriter addresses the question: “When is enough, enough?” The answer is: “Never.” This is what a conscious relationship is like.
In a conscious relationship you live with the awareness of reflection. Nothing is ever what it seems to be.
When you want to blame your partner, you are reminded that your partner is a mirror through which you grow when you see yourself.
When what you see becomes too challenging, everything in you will resist your boundaries being crossed, but the relationship will stretch you to grow and discover more about who you are and what you can accept about yourself.
The relationship’s sacred moments come from connecting with your partner when what is being reflected for you shows you the innocence of your own soul.
How happy or unhappy a conscious relationship will make you or your partner really depends on how much you approve of yourself.
If you approve of yourself more than you disapprove of yourself, then you are likely to appreciate the benefits of having a conscious relationship.
But if you are more likely to be critical of yourself, a conscious relationship partner will highlight this for you.
He might seem like he is too much. Things are too hard, etc.
Like they did in The Mexican, you might wonder: When is enough, enough? And the answer will be - in a conscious relationship nothing is ever too much.
Relationships are personal development art in progress.
To get to the point where a conscious relationship is able to win the heart of a man, that’s when your own inner world will be one where you are also in love with yourself.
Then your behaviour will be in line with how much you care for yourself and you will please your partner.
There is still no guarantee that he is also approving of himself, because, for him to have a good experience living with conscious self-reflection, he too will be content with himself.
The truth is that we never really know the inner world of another person.
My first husband and I shared 10 years together. At the end of our relationship, due to his medication for his illness, his words were not so guarded.
There were times when his private thoughts were uttered out loud. Those were the moments when I observed a man I did not know.
It not only taught me not to judge anyone, but it also proved to me that no matter how well you think you know someone, the way that they talk to themselves is not always the way that they talk to you or regard you.
The answer to your question is that you do not know if a conscious relationship can win a man’s heart.
Adelé Green provides answers here when posted on www.adele-green.com/askadele/or confidential, fee-for-service, individual coaching via Skype to men and women. She is a Transformation Specialist Coach and Author of Can You See Me Naked: Grow in a conscious relationship.
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