In this month of love, some couples are looking for new or other ways to rekindle their love. Picture: Pexels/ Leah Kelley
In this month of love, some couples are looking for new or other ways to rekindle their love. Picture: Pexels/ Leah Kelley

When last have you asked your partner if they love you?

By Viwe Ndongeni-Ntlebi Time of article published Feb 7, 2021

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Relationships are hard. We all know that, and yet most of us want to get old with someone.

In this month of love, some couples are looking for new or other ways to rekindle their love. What better way to do it than to ask some advice: What's the secret to making a relationship last a lifetime?

Doug Armey, who has been married for over 40 years and a past marriage counsellor, believes that there are few things that can keep the spark going even after a few years of being in a marriage.

Speaking on Quora, Armey said sometimes the key to lasting relationships is asking your partner if they love you.

“When my wife and I married we fell madly in love. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. A friend remarked, If they do this in public imagine what they do in private. But life changes,” said Armey.

“Through years of growing businesses and raising kids our relationship grew complacent,” Armey said, “gone was the feeling no amount of time together was enough”.

“Sometimes, both exhausted from running, any time together felt like too much. Our kids grew up and left home. They were replaced by other children, our elderly parents.

“Unfortunately, they wouldn’t mind us.

“Add to that a huge uptick in my time demands and we had little left over for each other. Our relationship grew distant and felt more like a strategic partnership. Love seemed like some sweet memory of a fantasy world,” said Armey.

One Sunday afternoon, Armey said his wife was working in the study. He came in and sat down and asked her if could talk to her.

“What’s happened to us? I mean, where’s the love we once felt? I don’t feel often that you really love me. And, I’m guessing, you probably feel the same,” he had asked.

His wife answered: “Well, I try to show you love by all the things I do.”

The conversation went on, with Armey trying to explain what he meant.

“You do well. I’m not complaining. I guess the question is, do you really love me?”

“Yes, I love you. Do you love me?” answered the wife.

“Yes, I do love you. I just think we both need to say it a lot more,” Armey concluded the conversation.

Then he walked over and kissed her. Later they got back to “imagining what they did in private”.

From that day on, Armey tried to tell his wife that he loves her most every day. And she has too.

His lesson:Seeing your loved one is important. Hearing you’re loved is enthralling.

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