Worst first date chronicles: ’I almost went out with a convicted murderer’
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The thing with first dates is that you never know what you’re in for. It’s like opening a packet of Liquorice Allsorts – choose the wrong flavour, and you’re left with a bitter taste in your mouth.
I’m betting Elyse Myers bit into the small, twisted liquorice: the kind that you’ll only really appreciate if you’re into all bitterness and no sweetness.
After sharing her worst first date experience on TikTok, Myers became an overnight viral hit. Her story had all the hallmarks of a dark rom-com, including comedy, suspense and intrigue. But what made it all the more interesting is that most could relate.
Long story short: A trip to Taco Bell and 100 tacos later, she finds herself sitting in a stranger’s home who calmly asks her: “Do you want to see my studio?”
“It was that moment I decided this date is completely over. Otherwise, I was going to be killed, 100%,” she said.
Her post rehashed old conversations about worst first dates and uncomfortable situations many found themselves in. So I put out a call on social media to find if someone else’s story could come close to Myers’s experience.
Check out some of the responses below – and yes, there’s a convicted murderer there too...
‘My worst first date wasn't actually bad in the traditional sense’ - Theolin Tembo
Back in 2017, I had organised this date with this guy, ‘P’. He was tall, lanky and wore glasses. We had met on one of the dating apps, and had been chatting for three weeks before the date, which is six in gay weeks to be honest.
We got along and had great chemistry. However, there came a reveal that he was into kink play. Previously, P mentioned that he had a kink and that he would have to be in-person to explain to me. His kink was wrestling.
In my mind, I thought it was cute, sexy playful wrestling, but he meant wrestling bouts with stakes involved. (Before I continue. Let me unequivocally state that I'm a big supporter of letting people enjoy their kink and not feeling bad for it.)
P then goes on to explain that he has been seeing this guy for kink play for the last three months. My external reaction was awkward and stunned.
’Before our meals even arrived he already tried to feel me up’ - *Alana King
Two years after my divorce, I felt I could dip my toe in the dating pool. Being an introvert, socially awkward and not having much luck meeting new people, I turned to an online dating site for help.
From “I just want to have fun” guys to “I’m looking for a soulmate” guys, I eventually narrowed it down to this one guy who best suited what I was looking for.
After weeks of online chatting, I eventually decided to go on what I would consider a blind date.
He picked a cosy little Italian restaurant which I had, in fact, been keen to try.
As I was approaching the table, my heart was beating fast, palms sweating, and I was rapidly losing my nerve to go through with it.
In a true gentlemanly fashion, my date stood up and greeted me. At that point, I almost turned around to run out the door before he could even pull out my chair.
My heart sank to my toes when I found myself sitting face to face with the person, who to me, was almost unrecognisable.
Was this really the same man? He looked nothing like the profile pictures I studied for weeks.
The man before me was at least 10 years older. Never mind completely out of shape and proudly sporting a beer belly in a shirt that could barely close.
But because I’m a nice person, I didn’t want to be rude, so I decided to stay.
The evening rapidly started going downhill when he constantly commented on the food I wanted to order, ranging from “that’s too expensive” to “that will make you fat'' as he glugged down two draughts while I sipped on a glass of ice water.
Before our meals even arrived, he already tried to feel me up, reaching under the table to squeeze my knee or rubbing his hairy leg against me.
I politely excused myself from the table to go to the ladies. I walked straight out the door, got into my car and drove off as quickly as I could.
‘He looked decent, his profile pics looked nice but something was off’ - Janice Johannes
I made friends with this guy via the Badoo app, and he instantly added me as a Facebook friend.
The nature of my job is very busy, and I was particularly busy at the time – maybe this was my saving grace.
He used to send me voice notes and video calls: he wanted to meet in person, but I wasn’t ready.
Some time passed, and I got a message from a journalist, and she asked me, ‘do I know person ‘X?' and I said yes.
She said she was working on this case and noticed we were Facebook friends. The journalist then asked me: ‘Do you know that this guy has been arrested?’
Apparently, he met a single mother, and the neighbours noticed the woman and her child were nowhere to be seen. So, he moved in with them, and he murdered the mother and child.
That was his modus operandi – he was basically a hobosexual. He interacted with women and was hoping to move in with them. (The story received widespread coverage with our own sister publication, the Daily Voice covering it.)
I was lucky in the sense that I trusted my gut: I wasn’t ready to meet somebody, and I dodged a huge bullet.
*Not their real name