It is wise not to make getting married your ultimate goal, especially not within a short time frame. Picture: Max Pixel

I’ve asked millions of people attending my programmes what women look for in men, and vice versa, and what has emerged is that almost everyone is looking for someone who can advance them in the seven key areas of life: spiritual mission, mental genius or creativity, vocational success, financial freedom, family love, social influence and physical health. 

Generally, we all want someone who is good-looking, intelligent, articulate, ambitious and socially connected; someone who wants us for who we are, and who is inspired by what they’re doing. That’s the ideal; the complete package.

The question is this: have you looked at your own package, and determined what you have to offer? It’s vital that you do this (without exaggerating), because if you have a great package to offer, you can attract someone of quality.

Once you’ve done this, look at how you can empower yourself in those seven areas; maybe you could start developing your spiritual life, for instance, or working out to improve your physical health. Maybe you can take an art class, or concentrate on excelling at work.

Once you start empowering yourself, you not only create a more attractive package: you also increase your chances of meeting a potential mate, because you are socialising more and expanding your network.

What’s more, when you’re empowering yourself, you’re doing something meaningful that inspires you. That’s when you’re at your most resilient, confident and attractive. There is nothing more magnetic than a person who is true to their authentic self.

In contrast, someone who fakes it or puts on a façade will find that it’s difficult to sustain the relationship, because it’s not possible live up to a façade. Rather than putting this pressure on yourself, accept that no one is one-sided. 

You might be kind, but you can also be cruel if someone challenges you – and so can everyone else. Be open about your flaws, and realistic about your
partner’s.

The same goes for your children (if you have any) – there’s no need for them to put on a facade, either. Remember, too, that you already have whatever it is you’re looking for in a partner, or what you think I missing in your life: it’s simply diversified and spread between your friends and family. 

In other words, you already have the good listener, the person to laugh with and the friend who encourages you – so you don’t need to look for all of those qualities in a mate. Knowing this removes the pressure to meet the right man; important, because desperation can be off putting. 

Similarly, it is wise not to make getting married your ultimate goal, especially not within a short time frame. Be committed to fulfilling your own life, and finding someone who supports this goal.

Dr John Demartini is a human behaviourist. Picture: Supplied

For more information, or to determine your values, visit www.drdemartini.com