Sharon Stone in 'Basic Instinct'. Amazing sex does not necessarily mean it's filled with moans and cinematic drops of fake glycerin-y sweat. Picture: Flickr.com
Sharon Stone in 'Basic Instinct'. Amazing sex does not necessarily mean it's filled with moans and cinematic drops of fake glycerin-y sweat. Picture: Flickr.com

14 things I learned about sex in 2019

By Melissa Luies Time of article published Dec 30, 2019

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Whenever I think of someone writing about sex I think of some young guy or girl who has an amazing experience every day and just goes out, meets someone new and later they are having passionate sex.

Did you know that according to an article published by Medical Xpress, the average person has sex once to twice a week? Meaning that the average person has sex at least 52 times a year.

Of course, circumstance plays a huge role in our sex lives and sometimes we get to have sex three or more times a week and sometimes, we don't have sex at all for an entire week.

So here are the Things I Learned About Sex In 2019 

It's not always good

Trust me - you're not the only ones having bad sex. Couples in their twenties tend to have bad sex lives due to their lack of confidence and willingness to experiment more with not only their partners but when they masturbate as well. We don't know our bodies THAT well yet.

Stop worrying who is having more sex than you

People tend to use "are you dating anyone? as a yardstick for catching up, so if you haven't been, it can make you feel like a failure. Rather use your time on experimenting with toys and finding your very own sweet spots. (This would also help your next partner give you amazing sex as you can tell them exactly the way you like it)

Good sex does not equal porn

Amazing sex does not necessarily mean it's filled with moans and cinematic drops of fake glycerin-y sweat. Sometimes (especially for someone who enjoys making noise during sex) it could be a massive turn on when trying to be quiet. Real sex doesn't have to be like porn sex.

It's okay to not want to have sex at all

There's an idea that people are supposed to be horned up all the time in your 20s but that's not always the case. You're not doing your 20s wrong just because you're not waking up next to a hot stranger. Take this time to do you (pun intended), and live every day with the no fear that your sex drive will be back to distract you again before you know it.

STI scares happen to everyone

I was the first one of my friend group to have any big scare and I really thought MY WORLD WAS ENDING. (luckily practising safe sex meant it was just me being stressed out over nothing.) Spoiler: Give it, like, six months and everyone else will go through the same thing too.

If you think you have an unhealthy relationship with sex, it's fine to take a break

If you realise you only use sex as a placeholder for drama or because you hate yourself or you're unhappy at work and need to step back a bit, that's fine. It's good to recognise that you need to take some time to give yourself space and time to breathe.

There's nothing wrong with you if you get attached to people after sex

Sometimes sex can intensify feelings for people, even if you didn't set out with that intention in mind. It happens and it's nothing to be ashamed of. It can be very common to feel attachment to someone after sex, since the brain releases oxytocin during arousal, stimulation of the genitals and nipples, during intercourse or orgasm. The release of this hormone after being physically intimate may cause a feeling of attachment and closeness. A dear friend of mine explains this as "fake love".

There's nothing wrong with you if you don't get attached to people after sex

Alternatively, it's not a big deal if you hook up with someone and it's great, but the great sex still isn't enough to cancel out the different values/personality differences you guys have. That's fine too.

You're not boring if you don't want to partake in any of the freemium kink culture that seems to be everywhere

Not everyone is factory-built with a propensity for spanking and rough sex. (Although I do suggest starting out with spanking to get you over to the dark side - plus we have cookies)

Your body is normal

Feeling insecure is normal, but it's also one of those things where it's we deal with growing up. We live in a world where we all know that social media has been linked to higher levels of loneliness, envy, anxiety, depression, narcissism and decreased social skills and to top it all of - LOW SELF-ESTEEM because we keep comparing ourselves to the No Name Instagram Models. Anyway, your body is perfect the way it is, I promise.

No one cares about your number

People who ask about your number just want to talk about their own. Once you start realizing this, you'll be a lot happier.

Pee after sex

Sorry, but no UTI is worth being held 0.03 seconds longer in bed. Besides, getting admitted to the hospital for with Escherichia coli (E. coli), usually found in the digestive system, IS NOT FUN!

You don't owe anybody sex just because they're nice to you or hung out with you long enough that you feel obligated

I once hooked up with a guy because he made a comment about how he drove 50km to meet on our first date and I felt like it would've been mean not to. I regret this. Don't make the same mistake I made. Easier to feel like a bitch for 30 seconds than to straight-up hate yourself for setting feminism back 50 years for months after the fact.

Don't apologise for not having an orgasm

Sorry? For what? Not being able to boost their ego by saying you had one? Shouldn't they be apologising to you?

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