I was chatting to a group of young girls this week about something unrelated to sex. The ages ranged from about 14 to 17 and I couldn’t help wondering if anyone had ever spoken to them about real sex. Not eggs and sperm, disease and pregnancy.
In the 21st century we are still not dealing with sex in a natural, no nonsense way and because we don’t, every single one of us has a preconception and may even be scared.
This leads to all sorts of complications in our relationships but let's talk about some of the things that no one will ever tell you...
1. There’s going to be a wet spot
Man or woman, there’s probably going to be a small wet patch on your sheets. It may even be white when it dries. It is a dead give-away that sex has been had.
2. You have to pee right after sex
This is the first thing you should tell every woman. Not going to the loo after sex can lead to getting a painful UTI. To prevent an infection go within 20 minutes after sex.
Some men think you are trying to get rid of them. Guys it has everything to do with not wanting a trip to the doctor.
3. Changing positions isn’t always fluid
Changing sex positions often takes some negotiation, repositioning and laughing. Doggy style, cowgirl, and missionary are common, but they’re not foolproof. Depending on your body parts changing positions is not like in porn movies!
4. Boob farts happen
Sometimes when two chests rub up against one another, the suction can cause a juicy fart noise. Sometimes air escapes. It’s awkward, hilarious, and best to be laughed off.
5. And then vagina farts happen
When air gets pushed out of the vagina (or anus) resulting in a fart noise. Again it is awkward and it can put you off your stride. I have never found an eloquent way to deal with it so just laugh. Real farts can and do indeed happen during sex as well.
6. Men aren’t always horny
Contrary to popular belief, men aren’t always ready for sex and women do enjoy sex.
These lies have left so many of us with unrealistic expectations.
7. Condoms take a minute to put on
Putting on a condom doesn’t just happen and there may often be an awkward pause while the process happens.
Sometimes the mood is lost, so find ways to make it sexy.
8. Wearing two condoms is a very bad idea
Doubling up on contraceptives is great in some cases, as in she’s on the pill and he’s wearing a condom. But when you put two condoms over one another, you’re asking for trouble. Just don’t!
9. You don’t automatically get pregnant or get an STD if you have unprotected sex
Ovulation and infections are tough things to understand as an adolescent. A baby doesn’t automatically fill up your womb the second you don’t use a condom nor will you automatically get a disease BUT IT COULD HAPPEN. So please use protection.
10. Condoms smell
As great as they are, a condom smells like a tyre factory and many find it unpleasant. Please wash! As for the taste of condoms some are now flavoured.
Personally I love the smell of latex in the morning.
11. Sometimes people don’t fit
Some will tell you that there’s no such thing as too big a penis, too tight a vagina or anus. But genitals come in different sizes and shapes and sometimes it takes a lot of practice, creative angles, and lube to really get there.
12. You need a guiding hand
Contrary to what porn and movies might suggest, getting body parts into the correct places needs a helping hand. Unless you have a map and a torch there’s no way to know exactly where to put stuff the first time around.
13. It doesn’t always feel amazing
Every time you have sex we are expecting it to be mind blowing. It’s not.
Sometimes, sex is dull or one-sided. It takes practice and then some of the time it’s incredible.
14. You don’t orgasm every time
We are told and expect everyone to have an orgasm every time sex occurs, that’s simply not the case. Both men and women can enjoy sex without having an orgasm. It’s fine, don’t panic.
15. Lube is for all people
Once relegated to dried up old ladies lube is, in fact, the best invention ever! It is highly suggested and highly recommended by sexually active adults of all ages.
16. Penises don’t become instantly hard
Some men are slower growers, some get softer during different activities, and some men remain rock hard even minutes after ejaculating. You’ve got what you’ve got. Learn to love it.
17. Everyone gets hard
It’s not just penises. The clitoris gets engorged and nipples get hard when we are aroused.
18. Pubic hair can cause rug burn
Nobody likes to talk about it, but sweaty pubes grinding against a face or another groin can cause skin irritation and rashes.
19. Longer sex doesn’t always mean better sex
While you probably don’t want under-a-minute sex and tantra definitely has its benefits, long marathon sex isn’t always required and can be damaging for both partners. We’re all different. Talk about it.
20. People slip out
When you’re pushing two separate bodies together, it’s hard to be exactly synchronised. Slipping out, for all sexes, is a common practice.