Sex / 16 November 2018, 09:00am / Blue Masoka, "The Ethical Slut"
There is a thing about monogamous relationships that can either make it or break it. I've met and spoken to couples who are comfortable with their normal sex routine:
"We are okay with what we have (to be honest), we know each other's wants and we know each other's limits" a couple confidently said.
"It’s like trying to fix something that’s not broken, why do it, why change what we have? Why invite strangers into our intimacy? Why go to a point of no return?"
Whether you’re “A-Ok” with your usual sex routine, the truth is that it can get boring. Which is why I started reading up more about the benefits of swinging.
Here are five things to take into consideration before going to a swinger’s lounge or private get together.
Communicate with your partner (or therapist)
There can be a lot of things that can go wrong if you don’t talk to your partner. Find out what it is each of you desire and how far you’re willing to go.
On my first ‘lifestyling’ night I had a gentleman wanting to play with me but his girlfriend was not having it, they got into a lengthy argument about it and that made me feel sorry for the both of them.
Jealousy and insecurity can be a deal breaker in your relationship, so it’s important that you talk about (draw up) do’s and don’ts for any possible sexual scenario.
Research, research, research
The best explanation I read by Courtney Gerter, sex & relationship therapist, said “swinging is a form of polyamory, where your sexual inhibitions extend way past the bedroom and from your committed partner and include bouts of sexual play with other willing partners.”
And that right there is the gospel truth. Based on my first time experience, and the research you’ll be doing, you’ll soon learn that just like different sexual experiences, there are different types of swinging - soft swap, hard swap, lifestyle & community.
This will help you, and/or your partner, understand what you’re about to get yourself into.
Be open minded
I wish I could sum it up by saying that it’s fun because that’s really what it is. But the truth is, whether you’re going alone, with a trusted friend or your partner, this will arouse your sexual being.
Trust me, you’ll learn to communicate more effectively; you’ll feel more connected to your desires and/or your partner’s desires because you’ve been open.
And really, let’s be honest with each other, your sex life will skyrocket because you’ll soon learn that sleeping with one person over and over again might not fulfill those deep and dark desires you have.
Get there early (but not too early)
No one wants to be the first person that gets to the party first, but in this case for a first timer, I wanted to get there early. I wanted to get a tour of the place, get a feel for what to expect and see the like-minded people. Just a side note, do not overdo the alcohol. I was tipsy enough to know what is going on around me.
Watch first (and have fun)
Unless if you’ve set expectations with your partner, or friend to immediately make out with the first couple or person you’ve been connected with. I spent about an hour watching and talking to various people, and this way I felt that watching got me more aroused.
I got to see how things unfold, I figured out how I fit in and stuck to my rules.
So if you feel like you might enjoy the lifestyle, now you have some guidance. Sure there might be some challenges that you’ll have to face, but rest assured more and more individuals are finding that traditional relationships can thrive within the swinging lifestyle of sexual adventure.