‘I can’t forgive myself for my fling’

So you fell into a colleague's arms and now he's being manipulative.

So you fell into a colleague's arms and now he's being manipulative.

Published Feb 10, 2015

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QUESTION: Last year was awful.

My husband was working abroad, I almost lost my job and my teenage son was bullied at school.

During this time I became over-reliant on a colleague and had a brief fling with him. I’ve stopped the affair, but this man’s still pursuing me and has implied he might tell my husband. I hate myself and don’t know what to do. Please help.

 

ANSWER: First, don’t beat yourself up. Panic and self- loathing won’t help. It’s all too easy to make stupid mistakes when you are under huge pressure, which was clearly the case for you last year.

I doubt this affair would have happened had your husband been at home to share the load. Any mother will tell you how uniquely draining it is when a child is unhappy at school – but you had the double whammy of your job being under threat.

So you fell into a colleague’s arms and now he’s being manipulative. I don’t know the man, but perhaps his feelings run deeper than you imagined. Or perhaps he’s an unpleasant character, who delights in power games.

Either way, as things stand, this man has sway over you. The only way to be free is to zap the secret yourself and tell your husband. It’s a high-risk strategy, but it would mean a fast end to emotional blackmail.

If your husband is a kind, understanding man, you may come through this stronger. But you have to be braced for chaos and mutual examination.

It seems to me that, in most relationships, potentially explosive material should come swiftly to the surface. A controlled detonation is better than living for years in fear.

 

Daily Mail

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