New York - It is a relatively common myth that penises can be too large. As a professional, I can assure you they generally are not.
From time to time I receive a query from a girlfriend wondering if her potential new partner is perhaps too large. One of the perks of having an obstetrician and gynaecologist as a friend is you can ask everything — and get informed answers.
I remind them that vaginas have been finely tuned by hundreds of thousands of years of evolution to stretch. If they are interested and if this gentleman is a safe choice, personally and medically, then break out the lubricant and have a ball. If it hurts, stop and give me a call — not immediately, but perhaps the next day.
It is also not uncommon for me to hear about penis size from people I barely know. Once I was out for dinner with my future ex-husband and some people I had never met. When the opportunity presented itself, the woman turned to me, just as I was taking a mouthful of pasta, and said: “We can’t have sex. His penis is just too big.”
It was one of those record-scratch freeze-frame moments, because I can almost guarantee that this man did not miss his calling in the pornography industry. If they both want to believe it is huge, great. But the truth is they probably do not have a size problem; they more likely have a medical condition known as dyspareunia.
“Does it feel like he is hitting a wall?” I asked. They both looked at me as if I were psychic. I am not. Women for whom tampons and sex are painful because the vagina feels too tight or small almost always have a condition called vaginismus.
There are also some other solutions:
Foreplay
It is part of the sexual response cycle, but what is needed or desired varies greatly from person to person. At the dinner table the gentleman was quick to note that there was “enough” foreplay. I looked at my plate to keep my professional side-eye in check. This is why I always initially see women for consultation without their sexual partners. While foreplay alone rarely cures painful sex, most people actually want more than they are getting, so doubling up on foreplay is good sex hygiene, and, most important, it is fun.
Finding a good doctor
Many women who find the right practitioners will have their pain treated. In addition to a doctor and physical therapist, a sex therapist and psychologist may be helpful. For some women, treatment can be challenging because they may not find the right providers and a few have conditions that are hard to treat. Some therapies are costly, and others do not fit with the person’s sense of self. Some women have past sexual traumas that have never been discussed or are too painful to address.