London - Sex enhances and stimulates your attachment to each other.
So keeping the act of sexual intercourse alive is important, even if one of you feels you’re no longer that interested.
So says John Bradshaw, author of a new book about what he calls Post-Romantic Stress Disorder.
Bradshaw says that if you’re not having sex with your spouse, it’s crucial to talk about it - telling, then showing, your partner in detail what turns you on sexually. As strange as certain sexual desires seem, we all have unique templates of arousal.
Our partners are not mind readers and can’t know exactly what turns us on unless we describe it or actually show them.
If you don’t talk about it, the partner with higher libido will tend to whine, nag and criticise.
That will merely drive the other partner further away - and create a harmful cycle. Set aside time for cuddling and touching without attempting full intercourse.
Eventually, the low-libido partner may agree to have sex again - and he or she will probably find it enjoyable. Having sex will create attachment. That’s because two important chemicals are released during intercourse.
Oxytocin sensitises the skin to touch and promotes a tranquil and calm feeling, while vasopressin is nature’s chemical for attachment.
What’s more, sex helps keep your skin, muscles and bodily tissue in tone.
Will partners with low libido ever recover the desire they felt in the early stages of romance? Probably not. But even good-enough sex is usually enjoyable.
* Post-Romantic Stress Disorder: What To Do When The Honeymoon Is Over by John Bradshaw, published by Piatkus