The ANC meets soon to elect its new leaders and it promises to be a messy, no-holds-barred dog fight to the bitter end.
It’s the season when fake news, leaked e-mails and hyperbolic tweets become common currency, when good names will be tarnished and business at our courts will be brisk. So, for your own good and reputational creditworthiness, be on guard at all times.
After seeing those salacious stories about Deputy President Cyril Ramaphosa having more affairs than some of his philandering cabinet colleagues can only dream of, you never know when an accusing finger could be pointed in your direction.
So, rather than taking risks and spending good money on urgent high court interdicts, I’ve decided to go on the offensive. I hereby issue a "stone-walled denial" of any relationship with presidential hopefuls, such as Nkosazana Dlamini Zuma, Lindiwe Sisulu or Baleka Mbete that was not dispassionately professional.
I also confirm I have I never sought free medical advice from Dr Zweli Mkhize, nor ever borrowed a cent from billionaire Cyril.
Now let’s talk about who I would like to see as the new leader of the ANC in December and ultimately run the country.
Three candidates come to mind - former public protector Thuli Madonsela, because she has the balls for the job; Pravin Gordhan, because he alone can save us from capture by the Guptas; and some nameless, no-nonsense apolitical technocract who will just get us out of the stifling mess we find ourselves in.
But Madonsela doesn’t fancy the job; Gordhan’s too busy pulling daggers from his back; and the top technocrats are pre-occupied building empires in Singapore and Dubai to worry about us.
It looks a clear two-horse race between Dlamini Zuma and Ramaphosa. NDZ’s campaign so far has been deadpan and uninspiring.
Ramaphosa has his share of critics too, including the scandalmongers who claim he’s a serial Casanova. Frankly, who cares?
I’m not asking for a saint as president, just someone who can save us from state capture and lead us on a path to overcome the triple challenges of poverty, inequality and unemployment. I’m pinning my hopes on Ramaphosa becoming South Africa’s Mr Delivery.