Removing political and business leaders from positions of power may be on many agendas, but there are absolute no-nos in the rules of engagement.
1. Don’t hatch an evil plan to assassinate them
2. Don’t organise to buy a powerful sniper’s rifle from America with which to do it
3. Don’t draw up a list of your top 23 targets that include the first citizen and cabinet members
4. Don’t make this list public knowledge
5. Don’t approach one of your targets for money to help you; in this case, the Guptas will most probably go and rat you out
6. I don’t know this for certain, but I’m guessing rich people don’t like paying for their own deaths, even if it’s sold to them as “good for the country”
7. Don’t share your business plan with “select” companies, while asking for donations of R140 million to help you achieve your plan; murder isn’t usually a tax deductible expense and finance managers are such misers, they don’t even want to pay for genuine pest control
8. Also, I can’t be sure, but I suspect one could probably keep the overheads much lower than R140m
9. Don’t give your plot or organisation a name, especially not a bad name that cannot be made into a sexy acronym for the media
10. But if you must, then “Anti-State Capture Death Squad Alliance” and “Anti-White Monopoly Capitalists Regime” are the perfect examples of what NOT to call yourself
11. Definitely don’t be on Facebook or Twitter and make sure you don’t come across as cuckoo
12. If you manage to avoid all of the above pitfalls, then don’t go to any meetings with supposed business people, offering to fund you in exchange for all the finer details; it’s almost certainly a police trap
If only the 33-year-old Elvis had read this a few months ago, then he would still be a free man. Instead he faces charges of conspiracy to commit murder.