Karabo Mokoena's murder led to a barrage of vitriol against men, and at her funeral men bowed their heads in shame. Don Makatile reports.
"It's very difficult to be here as a man today.”
These were the opening words of a speaker who took to the podium at the memorial service of Soweto woman Karabo Mokoena, at the Diepkloof Hall in Zone 3 on Wednesday.
He spoke on behalf of the Gauteng Men’s Forum, which he says is focused on socialising boys differently, away from the seeds of misogyny.
But his words found currency in the behaviour of the men in the audience on the day who, for a moment, let go of their trademark swagger and bowed their collective head in shame.
Another speaker, a woman, who was only accessible to the crowd in the overflow over the boom of the sound system, piled it up: “The fathers of this nation have not protected our girls.
“Where are the fathers who can say: ‘This far, and no more’?”
Details of how Karabo’s body was found in the open veld in Lyndhurst, Johannesburg, have fed acres of newspaper space and television footage ever since, and elicited a barrage of vitriol against men.
The hashtag #MenAreTrash became a currency to denounce the wanton attacks on women that have the nation - and the world - shocked beyond belief.
Oblivious to the irony of her words, one of her friends at the memorial service recounted how Karabo had always wanted to be famous: “You have achieved it, my friend, you are on the front of every newspaper and television station.”
The essence of what the Mokoenas actually lost with their daughter’s death came to life through the speeches of those who knew her best, her peers.
As a phrase, the biblical “It is well with my soul” has inspired the lyrics of many a song.
This, those gathered in Diepkloof heard, was Karabo’s trademark saying.
The youngsters who shared her life and knew her well came out resplendent in white T-shirts with these words emblazoned across the front. A born-again Christian, we heard, Karabo could belt out a tune and “when she took to the mic there was fire”.
As a tribute to a canary, the singing did not disappoint. Among others was a hymn called Jehofa
Re Tshepile Wena (Jehovah We Trust In You).
The best way to describe its lyricism is to say that God heard it.
“She chose Christ. In choosing Him, she lived it,” the speaker’s voice came thus to those who had no sight of the podium.
“Karabo was a lively person,” the master of ceremonies said, among other accolades. She was confident, said another friend when it was her turn to speak.
“She wanted to be so many things. She wanted to open a beauty parlour. She wanted to be a TV presenter.”
The packed hall heard that the young woman had “loved wholeheartedly”. And “when she told you she loved you, she meant it”. In this capacity to love, at just 22, Karabo loved (wrongly?) a young man - Sandile Mantsoe, 27.
He has yet to explain how her body would be discovered on April 29, exposed to the elements, a day after she was reported missing.
Against the tide of emotion at the memorial service, Neo Mohlabane, a friend who spoke with the verve and vigour of what Karabo could have been like to those who did not know her, asked for Mantsoe to be pardoned.
“Forgive Sandile. Pray for him. God can still use people like him. Pray for his family.”
But forgiveness seemed like such a hollow concept at the memory of Kari, as she was affectionately called. The only positive said about patriarchy on the day, understandably, came off the lips of the same precocious Mohlabane, who commended the SAPS for a job well done.
Details of her WhatsApp conversation with another close friend on the days leading up to her murder make for spine-chilling reading. She was clearly a troubled young woman calling out for help. She confided in the friend that she was “hurting inside”.
Her friends variously referred to her as “my Kim Kardashian” who “spoke with so much grace” and “made an effort when she went out”. They spoke of her Dior perfume “that she wore all the time” and of her business studies at Regenesys.
Among those in attendance were Gauteng MEC for Education Panyaza Lesufi and Struggle stalwart Andrew Mlangeni, who heard first-hand accounts of how a beautiful flower was plucked before it bloomed.
Picture: Khanyisile Ngcobo/IOL
One of the friends said Karabo had often said that had she been Xhosa, her name would be Notyatyambo -of the flowers.
“She said she loved the facial expression that came with saying the name.”
When she spoke, people listened, her friends said in her memory. She gave of herself and time freely. She had beautiful dreams.
A promising young life cut short, for nothing.
The only sensible thing to say seemed to be encapsulated in the words of the speaker from the Gauteng Men’s Forum: “We’re sorry, not only to Karabo, but to all the women of South Africa.”
Actor and gender activist Patrick Shai spoke out harshly against woman abuse.
It is not a good time to be a man in South Africa.
On Thursday President Zuma said in Elsies River, where a three-year-old was found murdered by someone known to her family, that sexual violence against women and children had reached crisis levels.
Statistics from the Commission for Gender Equality (CGE) say a woman is killed by her intimate partner every eight hours. But the biggest lesson from the loss of young Karabo is that it shouldn’t have happened, and not in our name.