Henry Bantjez
Pretoria - There are many emotions one goes through in grief, but we are, in fact, collectively going through a similar process with the Covid-19 pandemic.
As we move to level 2 of lockdown restrictions, it is time to take a deep breath and evaluate how we have been dealing with the process, and how we plan to come out of it.
You may have lost something of value, such as your job or income, your loss of connection, your freedom to travel, but for most the new “normal” is different from what was known to us before.
Some readers may have lost a loved one, they may be feeling confused, or paralysed by the fear of what happens next in these unusual and difficult times. Knowing that your situation is not unique, that millions of others around the world have or are going through a similar “trauma” does not change it but it can help to know that you are not alone.
What you need to do now is to take action because there is a lot that you can do about your situation.
The coronavirus perpetuated many losses - income, financial security, relationships and your sense of the everyday familiar - and there is a sense of grief for what once was.
But, if you are waiting for things to return to normal - or the way things were before the pandemic - you are wrong.
You have to cultivate new habits and seek new opportunities guided by what pivoted you during the pandemic, or during lockdown, and accept. This does not mean be complacent, but you have to work to embrace your new normal and find ways to make it work for you, rather than being stuck in inertia caused by fear or the hope the external will change.
Alternatively, the period of isolation has given you strength to face your fears for the future stronger.
In moments of intense emotion, it is not uncommon to look for ways to regain control over your situation.
Many of you would have done online courses for re-entering the job market, or the experience of working remotely has prompted you to find more ways to be stand-out employees.
Cultivating new and healthy habits will carry you through the grief and prove to be very useful when all of this is over. Living your life day by day with no intended action or change is a recipe for disaster.
In the bargaining stage of grief, you may find yourself creating a lot of “what ifs” and “if onlys”. It is a line of defence against the emotions of grief.
It helps to delay confusion and hurt. But this stage can prove to be very helpful when you bargain with yourself and focus on statements (not feelings) like, you are not defined by your job or by what you have lost and that you will rise again no matter what. A true existential belief in yourself can generate more energy needed to light up an entire city.
Most of us will get through this pandemic and will come away from this experience changed.
This is what the Corona moment is about. It is something to slow us down: A universal time-out to get one to consider that there is a major calling here. An awakening.
We have to move out of fear because when all of this is over, fear is not what you want to take back into the world with you.
Don’t lose sight of new habits you have cultivated. If you are exercising, exercise more. If you have started with online courses, do more. If you are practising mindfulness, be more mindful.
*Bantjez holds a Master’s degree in psychology and has worked to counsel companies on change management and talent development.
Don’t miss the online Live Chat, “Loss and grief in a time of Covid-19” with psychotherapist Dr Melanie Polatinsky at noon today on Pretoria News Facebook Live.
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Pretoria News