No violence against women - all year!

Published Dec 3, 2016

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The fight against abuse of women is the good fight; see to it boys and men, that you treat them with respect at all times, writes Kabelo Chabalala.

Dear Lil Brothers

Today marks the ninth day of the 16 days for No Violence Against Women and Children. I am 25 years of age. I have not laid my hand on a woman or child. I speak to women or children respectfully, always. Fortunately, I have not lived in a home that housed violence.

Sadly and unfortunately, I have seen women of different ages being victims of abuse. Many of you lads are dating already. The phase of dating is the strongest and closest relationship you will have with a girl.

If you already have someone you call “my girlfriend” already, I hope you treat her with the utmost respect.

I want to be honest with you; these 16 days would not be part of the international calendar if our brothers, our dads, our uncles and our male friends weren’t ushering it in one way or form - at home, at school, at their workplaces and even in various public places.

As the founder of the Young Men Movement (YMM), I know what you boys are going through. Let’s work together to build our society one non-violent boy at a time.

Do not be misled Lil Bro. Violence is not only physical; murder, robbery, rape and assault. Most of you are still at school. Do not say anything nasty to the girls at your school. There are certain things you can only do or say to BoMmata ba ago (your male friends). Do not even say anything about the girl’s weight, hair or any bodily features. It is way beyond your conversational reach.

This is what leads to emotional abuse - the most lethal form of abuse. There is a reason why I call it the most lethal… it is because the scars are not tangible. It is because you cannot provide physical evidence for it. So, do not say anything you would not say to your sister (young or old). Do not say something you would not say to your future daughter.

I want you to be a young man for every girl at school, in your community and in even at foreign places you admire. You are more than capable of being a gentlemen. You are not a man when you turn 18. By virtue of being born male, you are a man already. Be a good man.

Remember this: girls like us boys. We will evoke different emotions in each other. That is how you start discovering your true character.

Let me tell you something that I struggled with when I was a teenager. I hated being mocked with my height. I was called “Giraffe”, I was nicknamed (against my approval) “Longest Weekend”, “The Road to Heaven”, etc. These names and other insults hurled at me damaged my self-esteem badly. I would get angry and sometimes cry.

They would tease me and tell me that by the time I turned 18, I wouldn't fit in a normal doorframe nor would I find fitting shoes or clothes in retail stores. I was young and very naive. We were very poor at home. So the thought of struggling to get any shoes, doubled by the unthinkable struggle to get a pair of fitting shoes left me miserable.

All these things were said to me by both boys and girls at school. So, violence or abuse is not immune to you or exclusively for girls or women. It affects us too as boys and men. Be very vigilant. Speak out if you have had any kind of unusual encounters that made you feel uncomfortable. You too could be a victim of violence.

You and I should do more than just put on a ribbon. I want to challenge you to make a vow today: say to yourself every day “I am going to speak words of encouragement, motivation and inspiration to anyone I come in contact with”.

Whatever characteristics you are nurturing are most likely to define who you will become in the future. Be careful.

I grew up in a village that embraces this saying: Letsogo le tiisa lerato. Loosely translated it means “If you beat her, she will love you more”. This absurd myth is still practised in our villages. The festive season it becomes worse. We party, we get drunk and then we lose our minds.

So, no matter how much you try to be cool, remember this: you are responsible for all your actions - sober or not.

I know that you are currently going through a stage where you want to try a lot of things, do experiments and see if it works for you. But, listen to your parents, your big brothers or uncles and aunts; they know better.

It’s better safe than sorry. As they say, boys will always be boys, so be responsible - always.

Young men, let’s make it 365 days of activism for the fight against abuse of women and children. Yourself included.

Yours, Brother and Mentor, YMM founder.

Pretoria News

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