#aTypicalInterview with #CoconutKelz: I love Helen Zille, but I love her son better

Lesego Tlhabi, best known for her satirical character Coconut Kelz. Picture: Supplied

Lesego Tlhabi, best known for her satirical character Coconut Kelz. Picture: Supplied

Published May 25, 2019

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In this week’s A-Typical interview we feature South African comedian and screenwriter Lesego Tlhabi.

Tlhabi is best known for her satirical character Coconut Kelz, a young white woman trapped in a black woman's body.

Tlhabi's rise to fame can be accredited to social media, where she launched a furious feat of selfie-style videos as the fervent Coconut Kelz.

Following her comedic debut, The Coconut Show at Melville Comedy Club, Tlhabi is now making waves on the small screen with shorts on BET Africa aptly titled Coconut Kelz: The Election Special.

Ten Questions with Coconut Kelz:

What is the one thing that has sparked your interest on social media this week?

Definitely Helen Zille finally saying what we've all been thinking. #BlackPrivilege is real and it's a plague and we are finally not afraid to talk about it anymore. All Black people steal and that is what privilege is and I'm glad Helen no longer feels like she has to hold bold and revolutionary thoughts like that anymore since the election has ended. Is it racism? (Yes it definitely is) . No of course not.

You stuck in an elevator with Helen Zille for five hours. What conversation would you strike up with her?

I would use the first four hours and 30 minutes for selfies, videos with cute filters and to video call all my jealous friends. Then the last three minutes would be dedicated to letting her know how much I love her and how I think people are crazy if they call someone who says racist things, a racist. She swam to Robben Island to free Mandela and people forget that she's the main struggle icon.

You are given the chance to step into a boxing ring with any South African politician. Who do you choose and why?

I would choose Mmusi Maimane. Because he's been acting like a super sgebenga and threatening the leader leader with action. Hellloowa! Plus I think I can beat him coz I use my mom's TaeBo videos from the 90s (before I was born).

What stands out as your most humiliating moment in your life so far?

Last week someone said Tasha's is having Mogodu Mondays, so I called all the managers and organized a march there. We had Steve Hofmeyr carry the remains of Afrikaans satellite dishes and Kurt Darren opened with the anthem. Anyway, turns out it was just a hoax and Tasha's would never do that to me.

Who is your ultimate celebrity crush?

Helen Zille's son, Paul.  And I hate to admit this, but I see what the blacks see in Duduzane. Plus they both have corrupt-adjacent interests which means they are bad boys. Yum!

If your five-year-old self suddenly found themselves inhabiting your current body, what would your five-year-old self do first?

Bleach my skin. Melanin is much harder to get out when you are an adult. And twanged earlier. Sometimes the black comes out of me and I have to punish myself to make her go away. Transracialism is an everyday battle. Worse because no one believes Rachel Dolezal and I.

Have you ever sent a text message to the wrong person? If so, can you tell us a little bit about that?

I once sent a text to my sisi about how lazy my sisi is and how I think she is stealing my koi fish for muti. Long story short, she burnt all my clothes with the iron and I pretended to call the cops on her to take her back to Zim. We spoke about it and we are fine now. We both know we have a lot to lose if this relationship sours. She knows too much.

What is your favorite dance move to do when you are at the club?

It used to be fist bumping but usually it's just mocking whatever the black girls are doing at the moment. Like twerking but not in a scary ghetto way, just like an "Lolz guys" way.

Which TV character really reminds you of yourself and why?

She's not a character per se, but I really connected with Paris Hilton in the Simple Life because poor people make me sad and nervous. Currently, maybe Anne Coulter and Helen are my spirit animals. They're basically the same person so it's awesome.

What are the three best things about you that you would put in your bio on a dating profile?

I know how to charm caucasian parents into not seeing me as a threat. I have only one black friend. I love hiking and swimming isn't an issue because firstly I can and secondly, my long, blonde hair is water-friendly. 

The Saturday Star

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