I’ve been married more than once, have had countless relationships and even an affair or two, so I believe I have enough experience to offer my 10 cents worth on whether you are compatible with someone or not. So many of us question whether the person we are with, or want to be with, is the right person. I don’t believe in Mr. Right, but rather in Mr. Right now. I also believe that there is a very big difference between people you have a fling with versus someone you have a long-term relationship with. There are rules of engagement or each.
A fling has three rules to stick to. Never have a fling with someone madder than yourself. You don’t want anyone boiling bunnies when you call it off. Never have a fling with anyone with less to lose than you. If you’re married, they must be too.
And NEVER call them by their name. Everyone is ‘Babe’ or ‘Honey’, because in a moment of passion or anger you will mess it up. Flings are not meant to last. They are a bit of harmless fun. Don’t take any of it too seriously. My last bit of advice on a fling is never to have sex more than three times. For some reason things get a lot more complicated thereafter, so just don’t. Most of us do eventually want to settle and find a partner. In a movie I once saw, there’s a line that explains why we marry. We marry so that someone will bear witness to our life.
Here are six signs that you should be with someone or at least give them a chance.
You feel safe with them. They call when they say they will. They keep their promises and remain honest. Safety is such a powerful feeling and in today’s day and age, safety is a huge one for me. I even have a safe word with a close friend in case I ever got into one of those hostage relationships. You laugh together. There is a very big difference between being laughed at and made to feel small. But finding someone who can make you laugh, who appreciates the same sense of humour as you, priceless.
They’re generous, and I don’t mean with money. If they make time to be with you, are generous with their time and knowledge and, more importantly, their energy, I’d say you’re onto a winner. You should definitely try to make this person part of your life.
They call you out on your stuff. Gently and kindly of course. Being cruel or in front of people is never acceptable. But in private, sharing what upsets them in a mutually respectful manner is rare. If the person you are with is able to listen when you call them on their stuff this makes for a perfect pairing.
You just feel like a better person when you’re around them. If they make you feel worse about yourself then run in the other direction. I once read a book about energy givers and energy takers, you’re looking for a giver. And whatever you do, stop being a taker.
You’re compatible. This means that you share values and a vision for the future. You enjoy similar things, and I don’t mean all the time. There is nothing worse than a couple who are joined at the hip. Shared values are important on a fundamental level. If you don’t share any you will eventually suffer a crisis of faith and very few make it past that. If you can find these six things in a person, absolutely give them a chance. So many of us have this long list of requirements but the truth is you just need the above. I’d add two more: they should have a job and their own car – I know I’m a snob. I was once asked how come I had so many great relationships and they were battling to find one? I was flippant in my answer, which was ‘lower your standards.’
My low standards landed me a gorgeous man who has supported me through thick and thin for the last 20 years and he still makes me laugh.