#SexColumn: How to communicate for better sex

How to communicate for better sex. Picture: Becca Talpert/ Unsplash

How to communicate for better sex. Picture: Becca Talpert/ Unsplash

Published Dec 28, 2023


By Sharon Gordon

FOR better sex you need to communicate! Really? Who knew?

Everyone keeps saying that but if you are communication challenged (as we mostly are) we have no idea where to start. So, I’m going to share our top 5 communication tips. You’re in a relationship or you’ve met someone, and you definitely want better sex. You do have to be brave by putting your feelings on the line. If you’re with the right person I guarantee it’s going to pay off. It starts with a conversation.

What is your biggest turn on? Do you know? All of this starts with a simple conversation. Sit down with your partner and talk about what you want to do to each other. Start with the vanilla stuff so you know where your partner is in the whole process. As you get deeper into the conversation you can explore a bit more out of the lines. During this process there is no touching, just talking. You both have to share, talk and more importantly listen. Kind laughing is allowed but never ever cruel or judgemental. Break that rule and you’re doomed forever. Your partner will remember it and clam up no matter how many times you apologise. A simple not really my thing will do.

Ask what feels good. Once you’ve had the conversation and you’ve moved to the play part, continue the conversation. Does it feel as good as you thought it would? A whisper confirming that it does is probably the sexiest words you can ever say.

If it’s not, reconsider the play and absolutely communicate your feelings. Ask questions. Does this feel good? Do you want me to continue? What else would you like? Keeping it honest will make sure that you are both having a good time.

Tell your partner how it feels.

Communication is a two-way street. It’s give and take. It’s listening more than talking. If your partner is communicating with what I call the dolphin, that no squeak, listen and stop. Ask for a change in position, pressure or speed. Nobody is a mind reader. Many of us like to talk with non-verbal cues. Is your partner guiding you more left or down. Listen and then ask, like this?


Sexting is a great way to communicate without having to be in the same room. It’s a bit like having important conversations in the car. I had many of them with my children. It’s safe, no one can leave the room and everyone’s eyes are on the road.

Send a dirty message at a random time when you’re away from your partner. The surprise will catch them off guard and get their thoughts working on getting home and pleasing you. I don’t need to tell you that timing is everything. It’s not the best idea if you’ve been an asshole. First fix the fight and apologise. I’m not mad about being distracted during a highly volatile situation. But that’s me. You need to understand your partner. Would they appreciate it? If they will then go for it!

Talk about it after.

Your partner is not going to know how you feel if you don’t talk about it. I love receiving your text. Sorry I didn’t respond but I was busy sorting out a nuclear situation. Did you enjoy that? I really liked

it when you … It’s always a great way to finish on a high and helps understand each other’s pleasure more.

That’s it, 5 easy steps to start your communication journey.

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