#SexColumn: How to pleasure your partner by Sharon Gordon

Marlene Wasserman, aka Dr Eve who is Cape Town's sex doctor by the various sex toys that she plans to teach people how to use promoting safe sex. Picture Sam Clark.

Marlene Wasserman, aka Dr Eve who is Cape Town's sex doctor by the various sex toys that she plans to teach people how to use promoting safe sex. Picture Sam Clark.

Published Jan 3, 2024


We are in a new year, and I know we all want a better one than 2023. It’s been tough, hasn’t it?

If you’re reading this, you’ve had a better year than so many who didn’t make it.

You have enough money to be online or buy the paper. Hopefully enough to eat, pay your basics and move your relationship forward. Blessings every single one.

It’s also the time for New Year resolutions. I don’t know about you but I’m still waiting to start this year’s. I think that means that I don’t really have to reinvent the wheel. Eat better, exercise, reduce my stress levels, be kinder, tidy my garage and pleasure my partner.

I am easily pleased. Offer me service, clean my pool, make me dinner, fix the door that has needed attention for a year (another resolution forgotten) and leave me alone. I’m so easy to please.

Pleasuring is a completely different story. It has become more and more difficult over the years, and I truly feel sorry for my partner. I’m going to try to be a little less difficult next year. New item on the resolution list.

You know how they say a cobbler’s children never have shoes? I know the sentiment. The relationship experts (of which I am one) have the following tips for pleasuring your partner and increasing intimacy.

Daily Intimacy

Having small acts of intimacy throughout the day is a great way to boost your connection and sexual attraction. Intimacy is not necessarily just physical or sexual. It’s a cup of coffee. A packed lunch. A word of kindness. A chore completed without having been asked.

Being intimate physically every day can do wonders for your relationship. Have a make out session daily. It does not have to end with sex every time, but that kiss and cuddle will transform your sex life. Make time for it.

Mutual masturbation

This is something that we never talk about. Nobody ever puts it on their to do list nor do we ever admit how fun it is. It is just so underrated. By adding this activity to our play, we get to know our partner more. It takes our pleasure to a whole new level. It is a reference tool. If you can see what gets your partner revved up by the way they please themselves, you are able to add this to your repertoire. I’d say it’s win win.

Adding in toys

My personal favourite, not only for obvious reasons like this, is my primary business in Lola Montez but because it works. Adding toys into the bedroom is a sure-fire way of adding heat and spice to your relationship. You need to discuss it and see if your partner is open to the suggestion. I am never sure why they wouldn’t be, but I have on occasion met, usually men, who are offended by the thought. Clearly, they are no longer a part of my life. As a wise man once said, ‘Dude they are the ultimate wing man!’. Some penis owners may need a bit of something to keep them erect. Some vulva owners may need a bit of vibration to get them to orgasm. All of this is a way to increase pleasure and ultimately intimacy. The most underrated toy that everyone should be using is lubricant. I know you think you don’t need it and maybe your vagina doesn’t but there are many ways to use it. One of the most searched hashtags and searched words in the world this past year was arm pits.

The search was not about how to shave or what antiperspirant to use. It was sexual and a lubricant will add a bit of zing.

Please help me grow the Lola Montez Community and follow us on all our socials.


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Happy 2024! May your year bring you pleasure and joy. See you on the other side.

Saturday Star