#SexColumn: What is sex?
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I’m back! It’s been a while since I’ve written for the Saturday Star and frankly I’ve wondered if there was anything left to talk about because isn’t sex just sex? Hasn’t everything already been said?
Every day someone new is becoming curious, aware or sexually active.
We still find sex so hard to talk about and because our education system is failing us there will always be place for a fearless teller of necessary truths and I am delighted to be that. As the owner of Lola Montez the purveyor of adult toys and relationship advise I’m going to share what I’ve learnt.
This is what you can expect from this column – advice, comments and opinions on sex and relationships. I will be more than happy to answer questions and address issues you have on your mind so please send them to me – [email protected]
Let’s start with – what is sex?
In the old days this was very simple to answer.
It was when a man inserted his penis into a woman’s vagina. Today it is a lot more complicated. We have to consider gender preferences and a variety of different types of sex. Does penetration by a vibrator or finger constitute sex? Is anal or oral sex – sex? What about masturbation? Does it count as sex?
Sex means different things to different people, depending on education, culture and sexual bias - the answer lies in what feels sexual for you? My definition of sex involves two or more people penetrating orifices, whether that be a vagina, anus or mouth. If you’re interested in reading about my sex advise you can always go to my website and follow the links to my blog that deals with many of the questions.
The question of what sex is, was far more important in a time when virginity was prized. I have a very strong opinion on virginity, but that is a column for a different time.
I speak to teens about sex and many will have anal sex, in the mistaken view that they are not having sex and are preserving their virginity! When in reality and in my definition, risky sex has been had.
The question that often follows – ‘what is sex?’, is ‘when do I know if I’m ready to have sex?’
This question is much simpler to answer!
The sex advice I give is that you are ready to have sex when the head, the heart and the genitals all align and say yes.
Our genitals are the first to be ready. Little children experience that tingle between their legs or an erection in the bath but just because the genitals are ready doesn’t mean that sex should be had when the next opportunity presents itself.
The same goes for your heart. You may really believe this is the one – with all your heart, but if your head and genitals aren’t in the game, you shouldn’t have sex at all.
Your head is probably the last organ to align and sign in. You will think of a million reasons why not before you get to why you should. It is often the head that messes with you having pleasure because let’s face it you’ve probably been told having sex is wrong.
The more you understand your own body the easier it is to decide the ‘should I have sex question’.
Imagine a world where your genitals are a normal body part, just like your nose, where there is no shame associated with a vagina or penis.
If your heart, head and genitals all say yes at the same time, then you’re ready to have sex. There are no guarantees in life but you have a better chance at having great sex when all the parts align.
Don’t have sex because someone else wants to or because all your friends are sexually active. Only go as far as you feel comfortable with. It is your body and you get to choose what is right for you. What sex is, is up to you.