“At some point you realise that ‘happily ever after’ is a romantic tale and ‘soulmates’ is a myth with a hidden purpose. It is a mirror where people project what hurts them on to their partners, which reveals the areas they still need to grow in” - from Can You See Me Naked: Grow in a Conscious Relationship.
This week’s question comes from Marlene in Waverley, Pretoria: “I often feel trapped in my relationship, but I am not the cheating type. I just need something exiting to happen now and again. I have the best ever partner, yet I find myself obsessed with a person I met in the gym. I love my life, but I need to find a way to deal with my emotions. Any suggestions?”
Dear Marlene, we are all looking for something. It can drive a person crazy or it can happen so subtly in the background that ‘this’ shows up in our lives in the strangest ways.
To recognise it for what it really is helps us move beyond the projection.
Recently my youngest son developed his first crush.
It was wonderful to see how this life milestone consumed him. I could see by how he fell for love at first sight that he recognised a part of himself in this young gorgeous girl.
Of course he could not see what I did from the outside, which was him projecting his innocent soul self into an image that was so attractive that he fell helplessly in love with “himself” reflected by a girl he did not know.
Falling in love with another is what reminds us of our value. The danger is not knowing that when we experience rejection afterwards, that this opportunity allows us to love ourselves more from the inside out.
Affairs are like falling in love beyond the life-long commitment we made.
But they are there for us to remember who we are on the inside. That innocent soul self we want to think of as a soulmate.
The feelings are forceful and are trying to capture our attention. Do you act on this or does it mean something else? And it is “this something else” about which I want to guide your thinking.
Projection is something we do to create an experience we can observe. It is neither bad nor good.
To see through your projection on to the person of your newly-found affection, you need to understand why this is happening to you.
An experience like an affair allows you to feel appreciated, special. It makes you feel you’re the only person in the world to that person, just like being in love. But it’s not really part of your life, just like that social media person who virtually stalks you with affection.
All that is happening is you are hungry for experiencing self-love. You forgot how to see your own value and remind yourself with that intensity of emotion to see yourself through the eyes of another.
An affair is a projection of your soul, to remind you you are special! Your life is already perfect and working.
Everything you have built is waiting for you to appreciate it. Look deeper into the mirror to see what others see in you.
When you can do this, you will see right through the event and your own projection at what your soul is reflecting back at you.
What is the answer to your question? Ask me here:
* www.adele-green.com/askADELE/ or listen to previously answered questions. Adelé Green is the author of Can You See Me Naked and supports transformation for women with her coaching.