Stress is everywhere, from the expected petrol price hike to internal factors such as feeling a need to be distracted by pleasure that does not cost more money. More than ever, people have a need to blow off steam. This puts more pressure on relationships and nature's best drug ever - sex.
This week's question comes from Sipho in Sandton: “What happens to sex drive in mid-life? I care a lot about my family, but I also wonder what happened to that wonderful loving feeling we use to have. Do you get Viagra for women?”
Viagra for women does not exist yet. The US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has not approved it for women and the response is that the female sex drive is complex. The Mayo Clinic has reported that four in 10 women have reported sexual concerns. Drugs suggested and tested, including testosterone, increase the risks of heart disease and breast cancer.
The drive for sex decreases gradually with age for both men and women. According to the North American Menopause Society, it is worse for women, who are two to three times more likely to lose interest due to physiological and psychological reasons.
Physiological factors include tiredness, anxiety, a drop in testosterone (for men) and estrogen (for women) levels, mood swings, sleep disruption, hot flushes, night sweats and vaginal dryness. Psychological factors vary from conflict, the quality of the relationship outside the bedroom, emotional disconnection from your partner and body-image issues.
My kinesiology teacher once told me that the best drugs are found in a pharmacy produced by our minds. My coaching training has showed me how human technologies can create a theatre of the mind that synchronises our senses in ways that we believe things, even before they have happened.
Maybe we look towards a state of mind to reintroduce desire into relationships. When you watch a movie you become part of it because you see and hear what happens. You forget that the “real you” is just sitting in a chair, yet you feel that you are part of the story. We can do the same if we want to improve our lives.
With the medical technology lagging behind, it is independent and creative steps that will fulfil our needs. We need to do more than find time to connect with our partners on a regular basis. Access a healthy, natural, joyful life inspired by mojo when you take an alternative approach that is free, but not instant like taking a pill.
Age brought us what we wanted; yet there appears to be so many obstacles to a vibrant libido. To revive the spunk in your relationship, you must consider the best resource that you have - your mind. Instead of thinking about how you can counter every reason not to have a great libido right now, acknowledge what is actually going on.
What is a gradually decreasing libido costing you? And if you are taking your partner for granted, then stop. When you were young, you planned and dreamt about courting. What are you doing now for a healthy, physical connection?
Once you realise the true cost of what you are missing and possibly risking, it is time to look at how much you buy into all these limiting excuses. If I offered you advice, will you be able to use it?
If you don’t believe it is possible for you to experience empowering bedroom fantasies anywhere else but with your existing partner, then stop reading this article right now. You have to believe that you can do it. It is as Henry Ford said: if you believe it is, so it will be.
If you believe you are right, you are. And, if you believe that you are wrong, you are. The most important step is what comes next: you decide to change what is happening in your life.
This is not about control or manipulating your partner. It is all about taking over your own mind and thoughts. You can keep repeating the same thoughts, or you can clear you mind and use your power of focus.
How many times have you decided to change and nothing happened? Were you honest with yourself about the cost of not changing, and the truth about what was really going on or did play-pretend? If you seriously decide to make a change and believe that this is possible you are almost there.
What is the answer to your question? Ask Adele on www.adele-green.com/askADELE/