By Sharon Gordon
Johannesburg - I don’t know about you but there have been times while having sex that have caused a great deal of anxiety. When I was younger I would be so humiliated that chances are I’d bolt for the door and never see my partner again. Now I just laugh!
No two stories are ever going to be the same. However, there are definitely a few universally embarrassing things that happen during sex that are completely normal.
It can be a random noise or position, sex can often be a surprise. Think about it — two people (or more) completely naked touching each other, in places your mother warned you about. Things are bound to get a little weird.
It should be a pretty good thing, but we’ve all felt a little awkward during sex, right? You aren’t alone in some of your experiences. The truth is that the things you are embarrassed about are probably, completely and totally natural.
Remember that sex with a consensual partner can be an absolutely beautiful thing. Sex should be a fun, enjoyable experience. Don’t let a small moment ruin the mood. Wondering if your awkward moment is out of the ordinary?
Here are a few things embarrassing parts of sex that are completely normal.
1. Sounds are made
Between friction, rubbing, sliding, and grabbing, a sound or two is going to be made every now and then. It might surprise you for a second or two, but it’s not the worst thing that could happen. My worst are ‘fanny farts’, sometimes I can feel the build-up of air and I just know it’s going to happen.
Ignore it or laugh it off. Either way, no one should ever stop having sex due to a weird noise. What a waste that would be.
2. Squirting can happen
Bodies are full of various fluids. Big deal! If anything, your partner should be proud that they left you satisfied. On the other end of the scale, you might need a bit of lubricant to help play along. Either way it’s normal and nothing to be shamed for.
3. You may like things you didn’t realize you did before
Don’t listen to what anyone else says. Your body and your sex life are your own. If you never try it, then how do you know if you hate it?
Don’t forget to read out previous column on fantasies and how they can help hot things up.
4. You don’t always finish
I have really struggled with this one as I’ve got older.
Sometimes your body and mind are on two different paths. You don’t always need to finish the race. While getting to the end can be THE BEST, sometimes the journey is satisfying enough. Don’t get caught up with meeting a certain standard or goal — just enjoy the process and don’t let your partner fell like it’s their fault. This is all you.
5. Sometimes you need to lend a hand (or a toy)
Sometimes the person you are having sex with might not be the best at reading your bodily needs. Give them a helping hand (or toy) by leading them towards your sweet spot or simply telling them your needs.
Communication is key so give your partner a heads up before pulling out your favourite vibrator purchased from Lola Montez naturally. Maybe even pop in to the store together as part of foreplay.
6. Toys don’t make you a freak
There is nothing wrong with using toys in the bedroom. In fact, it can be quite a pleasurable experience. Shop around online to see what may be your best fit. Your sexual life is your private life. Why make excuses?
7. Dirty talk can work
Sometimes a few simple words can send you over the edge. Play around to find the limit that you are comfortable with. Sex is an adventure — make sure you are getting the most out of it.
Talking dirty does require a bit of practice so read our column on how to talk dirty.
8. Accidental period sex
Ever have sex, and then noticed that the sheets are a bit stained? Yeah, it’s the worst. You aren’t alone! A lot of women have had sex during their period. It might seem mortifying at first, but there is nothing to be ashamed of and, in fact, may couples find the extra lubrication amazing.
And, even if it’s not your thing, remember — it’s normal for your body to do that every month. Having sex during your period can help alleviate period pain and the sheets can be spared by putting down a towel. Makes clean up easy.
9. You are just not that into it
Did you realize half-way through that the person you are sleeping with is a total tool bag (not my word, mine can’t be published)?
Forget about that orgasm. That loser wasn’t worth it anyway.
We’ve all been there, but don’t worry — you are not stuck with this person.
If you don’t feel comfortable before or during sex in any way (physically or emotionally), be sure to let your partner know and call a stop to the proceedings. It’s your body and you have to make the best decision for you.
10. Hurting yourself
As we age, we can’t get up to the same shenanigans we used to when we were younger. You could hurt your back. It’s not pretty and pain medication may be what is required. If you experience discomfort, rather call it than suffer the consequences.
11. Being caught
Last but not least, getting caught having sex, be it in a public place or by the children in your own house. The children can be asked to leave while you finish, the police, not so much!
Till next week, play together.