By Sharon Gordon
Johannesburg - I often wonder how things happen for the first time. I wonder what kind of person was brave enough to go there. Think about it – who ate the first egg or drank milk from a cow or goat? And because I’m me I wonder who worked out all the different sex positions. I think I know why. I’m sure they wanted better grip and a better orgasm. Which brings me to the G-Spot.
Most women are clit girls. What this means is that most of us will orgasm from clitoral stimulation. For us, it’s the motion of the ocean that matters rather than how hard you thrust! Make no mistake, we like some thrusting, mostly because we’re trying to find the G-Spot.
We’ve read about it. Heard about the mind-blowing orgasms we can achieve when we hit it right but alas some of us feel a bit like Shirley Valentine, “There’s a lot of pushing and shoving with very little out at the end”.
So where is the G-Spot? You’d think this would be a simple question, but it isn’t. The reason - I can’t tell you whether the G Spot exists or not! The first thing you should know is that in the 21st Century we still don’t know that much about sexual anatomy. Compared with the kinds of detail knowledge we have already developed on things like our circulatory system, our cardiovascular system, and our nervous system, our knowledge of sexual anatomy and response is almost nonexistent.
People are still debating the physical structures of internal genitalia. So, for example, medical students are often taught that the clitoris is a very small structure that is mostly near the surface of the skin, and only extends in the body a little. But others suggest that its structure is of significant size and it extends much further into the body than previously thought.
The next problem with answering the G-Spot question is that it is a name for a body part that the medical establishment has not yet taken on. So you can’t go to any medical textbook and see a picture of something called the G-Spot. This doesn’t mean that it isn’t there; it just means that it hasn’t been legitimized in the medical literature, yet.
Whether scientists ever agree, and whether it makes it into a medical textbook, many women do report that stimulating a particular spot, which is most easily reached inside the vagina, is very pleasurable.
If everyone agrees eventually that there is a G-Spot, many women won’t find it pleasurable to have their spot stimulated. The fact is that it is probably like any other part of the body in that some people will become aroused by having it stimulated, and others won’t.
Think about it, some people go wild when you nibble on their ears. Others will find that completely annoying and a sexual turn-off. The G-Spotis probably just like that. If you follow the instructions on finding your g spot, it’s a good way to start exploring, but if you can’t “find it” that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it just means your sexual response is unique, which is something I hope all experts would agree on.
How to find your G-spot
Many women can stimulate their G-Spot using their fingers. Some people will find it easier using a toy that is curved, either a dildo or a vibrator available at the Lola Montez store in Hyde Park.
Time Required: You might find your spot immediately, or it could take several attempts. Don't pressure yourself.
Avoid performance pressure about the "magic spot"
People can become fixated on achieving a sexual goal (multiple orgasms, simultaneous orgasm, G-Spot orgasms) This is the best way to NOT enjoy any sort of sexual encounter. Remember that sexual exploration is mostly about the journey, not the destination. Try not to make this another notch in your “sexually self-actualized” belt.
Turn yourself on
Some say that this spot cannot be found unless you are aroused, so this part is important. The spongy area around the G-Spot gets engorged with blood when you’re sexually aroused, so it is much easier to find and feel when you’re turned on.
Get comfortable and find the G-spot area
Lie on your back, squat, or lie on your stomach. Place your palm face down on your vulva and slowly insert a finger inside your vagina (use lube if you need to), crooking it forward in a “come hither” motion. When you’re up to about the second knuckle you should feel a slightly bumpy or ridged area on the upper wall of your vagina.
Notice how the G-spot feels
The texture of the G-Spot area will likely be noticeably different from the typically smooth walls of the vagina. When you’re aroused it can expand, so feel it at different times during your arousal to get familiar with its contours and sensitivity. The G-Spot responds to pressure, so press down and pull forward using that "come hither" motion with your fingers.
Explore the G-Spot with toys
For some it can be awkward to stimulate the G-Spot by hand. A G-Spot vibrator or dildo can be a great helper in this. Apply a little lube to your toy and insert it with the tip (if it’s curved) pointing up toward the top wall of your vagina. Work it in slowly, far enough (a couple of inches) so the tip is pressing against your g-spot.
Experiment with pressure and motion
Some women will find pressure against the G-Spot pleasurable, some women like the feeling of vibration when a toy is pressing against the Spot. Experiment and see if either feels good for you. For most women, the G-Spot responds to firm pressure. In the beginning, use your toy as if you were trying to scratch an itch—don’t pull the toy all the way out, but use short strokes, applying firm pressure, against the G-Spot.
Vary the movements
A circular or back-and-forth motion may be necessary to get you started, but you might soon graduate to a more vigorous thrusting. If you’ve got a vibrator, try playing with the vibrations both on and off to see which you like better.
Add clitoral stimulation to G-spot play
You’ll know you’re hitting the spot as you feel tingly sensations, the urge to pee, don’t it’s not sexy. When you feel the urge to orgasm, stimulate your clitoris using your favorite method. Keep stroking your G-Spot. This can lead to a blended orgasm.
I always battle with this stage. With continued stimulation, you’ll eventually feel a sensation much like having to pee. This can be quite disconcerting at first, and has probably led plenty of women to abandon the process, but if you stick with it you’ll be in for a pleasant surprise. You may or may not ejaculate, but ejaculation is perfectly normal (and it's not urine).
If you don’t at first orgasm, try and try again. It can take several practice sessions before you notice any build up. Try varying your position, using a different toy, experimenting with breathing and Kegel exercises (to strengthen your PC muscle), or having a partner help you. Because the G-Spot is most responsive when aroused, you may also want to try stimulating it after you’ve had an orgasm.
Remember the ear lobe
Experimenting with the G-Spot can be fun, and you never know what you’ll learn in the process. But try not to get hung up on this being a mind-blowing experience. If you’re playing around and it’s not doing anything for you, try something else, and know that there is nothing wrong with you, and what turns us all on is incredibly individual and unique.
I hope you find your bliss if you can’t find anything else. Remember sex is for pleasure. I have a saying that when the shit to pleasure ratio runs out then it’s time to call it quits. The same applies here.
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