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#SexColumn: Sex toys no longer look like scary, large genitals

Time of article published Oct 9, 2020

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By Sharon Gordon

If there is one thing I know about it’s toys. More specifically adult toys. I’ve been playing with them most of my life and been selling them for almost 20 years.

I even wrote a book about them – ‘Play together’ by Sharon Gordon, available on Amazon or the Lola Montez Website.

Toys have changed over the years. They no longer look like scary, large genitals (although there still are those available). The materials and technology used in adult toy manufacture is far more sophisticated and body friendly than in the past.

Sex toys have been around for far longer than you can imagine. The first dildo (penis shaped object that doesn’t vibrate) stems from about 30 000BC! You can see it at the Natural History Museum in Berlin.

Benwa Balls are first referred to in Chinese writings in about 500BC, so it remain odd to me that in the 21st Century we still find it difficult to speak about and would rather have our eyes removed than be seen walking out of a shop with our latest purchase.

Granted the selection of toys may overwhelm you but that is why we are here to guide you.

Toys can be divided into four broad categories. Toys for Women, Men, Couples and Anal. Each of these then have several sub-categories. This week and next I am going to deal with each section separately but I’m happy to deal with your questions as we go along. We’ll start with Toys for Women.

I want to stress that you do not have to be a single woman to buy toys and if I hear one more woman say that she doesn’t need toys because she has a real man I am going to punch her ears! Toys are called toys for a reason – They are for PLAY.

They add a little excitement and an extra dimension to your play. I often liken it to you had everything you needed to play with your friends growing up and yet it was far better and more fun to play with cars or dolls than nothing at all.

Women toys have the largest variety available and each toy can do something else.

It is so much easier to identify the correct toy for you if you have some idea of why you want one. We use this as a starting point. If you just want to experiment and you’re not sure this is for you, we would recommend something cheap and cheerful. You don’t need to break the bank to start playing.

Women’s toys can be divided into:

External toys, usually used for clitoral stimulation.

G-Spot Toys, used for penetration and G-Spot massage.

Rabbit Style Vibrators, Used for external and internal stimulation.

Dildos – Penis shaped toys usually used for penetration and often used with a strap on.

Anal toys – dealt with in a separate category

Lotions and Potions, this includes lubricants and stimulant sprays or gels.

If these categories aren’t enough to confuse you, the materials used vary from jelly, latex, PVC, Real Feel, Glass or Silicone to name but a few and then they are manufactured in every colour under the sun. All toys manufactured this century are now Phthalate free.

Many toys now use Lithium Batteries which means they are rechargeable like your mobile phone. Many of the premium brand now also have App enabled. I hear you ask, ‘Why would I want an App enabled toy?’

These toys are extreme fun especially if you are in a long-distance relationship. Intimacy is often the first victim in such a relationship and these toys allow you to keep it going.

Most women (and some studies allege as much as 80%) orgasm from clitoral stimulation and not from penetration which is why external toys are so popular. These can be the small Lelo Lily or a larger Swan Palm Power.

One of my favourite recommendations to a starter is the Discreet Love Stone. It uses batteries and won’t break the bank. It has several speeds and functions. While it is primarily used for clitoral stimulation it can be used on the penis, testicles and perineum when used with a make partner.

The clitoral toys include the very latest air technology. These toys are placed over the clitoris feel like they are sucking. You start slow and gentle and can increase intensity with the various settings. Satisfier claim that you will be guaranteed and orgasm with this range of toys.

I recently read a review one this type of toy. The reviewer likened the orgasm to one of those goats that falls over with stiff legs. I giggled for days.

G-Spot Toys are very traditional in shape but with modern technology. The G-Spot sits inside the vagina on the belly button side of the body. Stimulating the G-Spot can lead to an internal orgasm. I have yet to experience it but those who have recommend it.

These toys are slightly curved for increased reach. My favourite is Cuddle. It is small enough not to be scary, pretty with a variety of speeds and functions. You can also look at Rave by We Vibe, one of the premier brands on the market. They made their name with the first couple toy about 10 years ago.

Many traditional vibrators are still penis shaped in look and feel. These are still incredibly popular. I’m not sure why men thing women want HUGE when most of us are quite happy with small and medium sized toys. Keep in mind what I’ve said about how women orgasm.

I think the most underrated toy and sexual aid is lubricant and I have very strong views on brand. I cannot stand lube that goes sticky in seconds. For those of you who think spit is good enough, think again.

It is just not sexy and fails miserably when used for foreplay. Lubricant has a reputation of having to be used only by those who don’t lubricate themselves, oh how wrong you are. There are many uses for lubricant limited only by your imagination.

I only use the Pjur range (water based and Original Bodyglide being top of the pops!) There are several others on the market which are slightly cheaper and just as much fun, try Beauments, which come in flavoured, water and silicone.

In the old days, silicone toys could not be used with silicone toys but those days have changed. Silicone based lubricants stay wet for longer and leave a slight film on your skin while water based eventually goes dry and gets completely absorbed. I’m a fan of both.

Next week I’ll cover sex toys for men, anal toys and rabbit style toys. If you have any questions or want to touch and feel the toys pop into the new Lola Montez Store in Health Works, Hyde Park Shopping centre or book a personal shopping experience with me by emailing [email protected] Remember you can also do discreet online shopping on our website www.lolamontez.co.za

The Saturday Star

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