#SexColumn: They say variety is the spice of life – and orgasms are no different
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By Sharon Gordon
They say variety is the spice of life – and orgasms are no different!
Research suggests that women who mix up their play are more likely to enjoy more frequent orgasms than those who find themselves stuck in the same old, same old.
There is so little science around female pleasure and even less research on our pleasure sensors like the clitoris that much of the time we are all winging it and trying to figure what feels good for our partner and to a lesser degree ourselves. So few women, even now, feel comfortable masturbating, and yet this is the number one way in which you can figure out how to find your pleasure and eventually your orgasm.
While we all have an opinion on how to get there. We can all agree that although not the be all and end all, orgasms are something we could all enjoy more of.
That’s where the consensus ends: orgasms, like women, are unique.
From how they feel; the reactions they prompt; right through to how they’re reached and whatever else turns you.
That said, experience tells us that female orgasms fall into four main categories. I have a colleague who says she has experienced approximately 18 types of orgasm. I’m not sure I believe her and right now I’m just happy with one! The jury’s out, but between clitoral, vaginal, blended and multiple we like to think there are already infinite intimate possibilities to explore, solo or à deux…
I don’t really care where my orgasm comes from as long as I’m having one!
1. Clitoral orgasms
This is the way most woman will reach orgasm.
The clitoris is a remarkable thing. The erogenous hot-spot for women, it boasts a sensational 8,000 nerve endings and is the only human organ designed solely for pleasure. Although the majority of the not-so-average clitoris is actually hidden inside the body, that all-important external sweet spot towards the top of the vulva make clitoral orgasms ripe for both kinds of play. Just remember you’re not a DJ – no need to rub so hard or fast.
Magical as it is, the clitoris isn’t some button promising instant gratification. Rather than a straightforward case of ‘X marks the spot’, you’re much more likely to reach the big ‘O’ if your partner takes a more leisurely route around this most sensual of areas before homing in on the clitoris itself.
Enjoy it, savor it, and when those caresses finally reach their pleasure peak, count on those 8,000 or so nerve endings for spine-tingling, toe-curling bliss.
Whether you’re alone or with a partner, a handheld external vibrator can add the extra ‘oomph’ to get you where you want to be, in the orgasmic sense. If you’re a complete newbie, a petite palm-sized vibe is the perfect starter sex toy to begin exploring the pleasures you enjoy the most, and which intimate item will help you fulfill them.
2: Vaginal orgasms
Where clitoral orgasms are all about the touching, caressing and stroking of sensitive spots outside the body, their vaginal counterparts happen on the inside.
What we’re aiming for here, be it with fingers, a penis or a sex toy, is the G-spot. The most mysterious of erogenous zones, for some it’s downright mythical, with the big G’s mere existence still subject to ongoing debate. Try telling that to the estimated 30% of women reporting that they achieve their orgasms through penetration alone!
Semantics aside, for many women, pressure on the frontal ‘wall’ of the inner vagina feels undeniably good. To increase the chances of a G-spot orgasm during sex, your partner’s penis should be aligned to target just that spot – try popping a pillow underneath your bottom during missionary for the perfect angle.
Because of the G-spot position on that frontal vaginal wall, you’ll need a vibrator that is shaped specifically for G-spot massage. You’ll know these vibrators by their unique appearance, as they usually feature a flattened or widened surface at their tips, which focuses vibrations and pressure to where they’re wanted most.
3: Blended orgasms
Imagine: the exquisite intensity of a clitoral orgasm, combined with the body-shaking force of a vaginal one. That’s what’s called a blended climax.
There are a lot of moving parts here: two erotically erogenous zones, simultaneously stimulated to bring a whole wave of sensations. Sounds complicated? It’s not – all that’s required is a little coordination, a lot of communication and, like most of life’s pleasures, patience.
The key is to find a position that allows either him or yourself hands-on access to your clitoris, as well as that all important G-spot angle. Woman on top is a good one, not least because it allows for, subtle guidance.
The best way to experience the blended orgasm for your first few times is with a dual action – sometimes called a ‘rabbit-style’ – vibrator that features both an internal and external massage point. There are a number of them available on the market, but as with every intimate item you plan to use, ensure you get the safest sex toys on offer by buying the best you can afford.
4. Multiple orgasms
Men and women experience pleasure in different ways, and that’s especially true of the holy grail of sexual highs: the multiple orgasm.
In what must be nature’s cruelest oversight, guys need a period of downtime right after ejaculation before they’re able to become aroused again.
Women, on the other hand, are hardwired altogether differently, making the multiple – that is, a series of orgasms in very quick succession – a real possibility.
So why aren’t we all at it, you might ask? Once again, it comes back to the dreaded routine. Restrictions of schedule, expectations or even ‘guilt’ that one party is peaking more than the other, habits are easy to fall in to – but also a lot of fun to break!
Multiples take time, planning and confidence in the body’s potential for pleasure. That applies to both partners: talk through your desires, draw out foreplay and most of all, relax, enjoy the intimacy and see what happens!
Increase your shared pleasure with a wearable vibrating massager that adds fantastic sensations to play that will bring you to orgasm faster, while he gets the added satisfaction of your own satisfaction.
A happy ending
Throughout history, the female orgasm has intrigued, inspired and even intimidated.
Do they matter? Of course they do, but let’s not forget: a happy ending is nothing without the mind-blowing sex before. With that in mind, we could all do with mixing things up now and again. After all, climax or no, we guarantee you’ll have a lot of fun trying!