Many struggle to reach orgasm, while others aren’t sure if they’ve had one. .While orgasm is a wonderful, it is not the only game in town!

There are many reasons why someone can’t orgasm. Many believe that they will never have an orgasm but this isn’t true. With a bit of work we can change this. I also want to stress that there are lots of great sexual acts that don’t involve orgasms.

You need to establish the cause. Have you ever had an orgasm (and yes, this includes from masturbation)? Do you masturbate regularly? Do you think you would know an orgasm if you had one?

Many people who have never had an orgasm need the right information to know how to have one. If you’ve already had orgasms and can’t orgasm, it’s probably not something as straightforward as knowing where to touch yourself and how.

The masturbation question is important because if you aren’t having orgasms, it can be much easier to learn to orgasm through masturbation.

Once you’ve answered these questions we know where to investigate further.

First, consider where the problems may be happening:

* Are you not feeling any desire for sex, this can lead to you not wanting or enjoying sex a big barrier to orgasm.

* Do you want to have sex (the desire part) but find that once you start having sex you don’t get very turned on (the arousal part)?

* Do you want to have sex, get turned on, but find you can never quite make it over the top to have an orgasm (the actual orgasm part)?

There are a couple of parts to sex you have to think about - it is the body part, mind, relationship, medication, technique or upbringing that is getting in your way?

Because orgasm is an event that involves so many systems in your body (neurological, anatomical, muscular, hormonal, respiratory, the list goes on) there may be physical reasons you aren’t having orgasms. If you can’t orgasm, a good first step is to talk to your sex friendly doctor to either rule out, or discover, potential physical causes and prescribe a course of action.

Orgasms are both a mental and physical experience. Your mental state, both how we feel and think, can get in the way of orgasm. In order to orgasm you need to be able to relax, focus, and concentrate enough to take in the pleasurable feelings. Mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, PTSD can make it difficult.

It’s not uncommon for someone to be able to orgasm during masturbation but have difficulty with a partner. If you’re consistently able to have an orgasm when masturbating but never with a partner, there may be one of a few things getting in the way. The easiest one to fix is sexual technique. You may just have to change your position or increase foreplay.

If you’re in a relationship that doesn’t feel safe, or where there isn’t enough trust, orgasms may not come. These are bigger problems that may need third-party intervention.

Many different medications can get in the way of orgasm and should be checked with a doctor. The right sexual technique won’t guarantee an orgasm, but without it the chances of having one go way down. What’s needed is the right amount of stimulation. Take your lead from what works during masturbation and teach your partner.

What was taught to you about sex can have a profound effect on how you feel about sex.

Messages you received about your body. Values and beliefs about sexual health and sexual pleasure. Values and beliefs about sexuality and gender.

While we know that these teachings were outdated, they require many hours of deprogramming to change. I would urge you to get help because if sex is a pleasure, the intimacy levels in your relationship will increase!

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The Saturday Star