Can Portugal captain Cristiano Ronaldo engineer a sensational victory over Spain on Friday Photo: Armando Franca/AP

DURBAN – Oh wow, my Lawdy, what a week it has been! From Ndungane golf days, to Kolisi Day at Ellis Park – anyhoo, no time for that!

We don’t have enough space this week as there is too much going on – and the Bones don’t have the monopoly for a separate World Cup column. All in African time, my dears. Maybe for Qatar, if we are still around...

Right, to Russia we go for the next month! How k*k were Sloppy Arabia last night ... you wonder if they fixed that like Donald T... oops!

On to the next, and we pick a few plump fixtures. Egypt vs Uruguay, you got to go with the South Americans, hola, Javier amigo!

Morocco vs Iran, let’s take the Africans, just because we love to, kids!

Next up is the banger of the weekend, the week... actually, the whole tournament! Portugal vs Spain on Fab Friday is Russian madness. We go with Senor Ballon d’Or’s team, who are usually abysmal at the World Cup. But, take it, because Sangoma said so!

On Saturday, we start with France vs Australia. Obviously go French, as they have more Africans than our best hope from the Mother Continent! But, no time for history lessons. Go for margin of 2 goals, just for nje.

Argentina vs Iceland, don’t be surprised by a shock here. That’s all I am saying. Peru vs Denmark, we love South Americans because they are our cuzzies, if you feel me, hombre. Croatia v Nigeria – well, unfortunately, the best dressed Naaija’s will cop it here, Oga!

We can’t do all the footy, unfortunately, so let’s pick the best of the remaining bones.

Costa Rica take on Serbia, and Costa should make paella out of them. The next two bangers are my favourites to win outside of my top pick – being the Africans wearing berets and calling themselves Europeans. Sacre bleu!

Germany vs Mexico should be a cracker, but ze Germans will take it, then notch three in a row. Brazil take on Switzerland, and the Samba boys will do their damn thing. Then it’s on to the double of another South American team, Colombia, to beat Japan! 

Aybo, the Sangoma is running away with the South American brethren! Maybe just take all South American teams that play on days 2-5 and you may make a bucket, meneer! Askies, not meneer. I meant majita! Wrong sporting code.

Siya Kolisi will captain the Springboks for the second time on Saturday, which is also his birthday. Photo: Siphiwe Sibeko/Reuters

Denmark over Australia, France to baguette Peru, then Argentina vs Croatia should be a young group-topping tussle – and a possible semi-finalist for the winner. Tranquillo, but this time I am dissing the South American, and going with the crazy Croats.

Now, let’s run through the oval-ball calls like those Bok-Boks ran through the English channel! Halala, Bokke – and especially the debutants. We were there to witness it, along with the incomparable Gwijo Squad! Enkosi. Siyabulela!

Back the All Blacks to do the double, and wrap up the series against France. Australia will try and close out the series, but as an Irish-blooded Sangoma, I’m willing to back the potato boys again.

Japan vs Italy; I say the Japs back up last week’s sushi job. Oh, here is an early heads-up for my true followers. Go take Japan to make it out of their pool in next year’s World Cup. Sleep on this, and it’s Sayonara, kids!

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South Africa against England – unfortunately, against the people’s sentiments, I reckon it’s going to a finale in Cape Town. Happy birthday, Siya ‘Mkhokheli’ Kolisi on June 16, and well done on the ton, Beast. Respect!

Lastly, we say kudos to Hilton-Michaelhouse tomorrow at the legendary Gillfillan grounds in the Midlands. Maritzburg College old boy and legend referee Craig Joubert is blowing his last game, and he chose a schoolboy game to sign off.

What a champ!! Salute, Jouba! Siyabonga. Sangoma OUT! PS, I am also an ex-College boy! (Google it)



The Mercury

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