Will Ajax Cape Town players celebrate a victory against Kaizer Chiefs? Photo: Chris Ricco/BackpagePix

And the winners are Sundowns, Barcelona, Manchester City, Bayern Munich, and Juventus. Not much has changed, really.

These leagues are pretty predictable and something has got to give – otherwise stadiums will continue to purge spectators.

I must apologise upfront, but given the circumstances of last week’s rush – and yours truly being in Bram Fischer’s ‘hood’ – iSangoma saseClermont didn’t have the time to do the usual rituals, ek sê.

This week is not too different in terms of logistics but, with help of the ‘Roastee’ Ntsiki Mazwai (Somizi, whose roast was it anyway?), and some toe clippings from Maps Maponyane’s louder half (wena Nomzamo Mbatha) – we were able to find imphepho and whipped up some signal from the ancestors. Thanks, Mama Winnie.

Seconds out, round one! David “has been” Hayes looked like ‘The Great White Hype’ ngamphela ngamphela (for real for real), similar to the role played by Marlon Wayans in the ’90s movie.

We say kudos to Tony Bellew for ending a career that was long in the tooth – and too loud in the gab.

Now we wait patiently for the next heavyweight hype of Anthony Joshua vs Deontay Wilder. Stop the nonsense and get that contract signed, kids.

Then again, we won’t get to see it in South Africa, as SuperSport don’t bother with the rights.

They don’t see the importance of a proper rumble to their audience – just as they don’t see value in the NBA, NFL and and and...

It’s nice to be them and hold such a monopoly, clearly. The ICASA hearings see them take centre stage in Sandton, and your Sangoma will be present to ‘Fight for our rights’.

Tony Bellew knocks down David Haye in their heavyweight bout last weekend. Photo: Andrew Couldridge/Reuters

TV rights are like land eMzansi (only a select few benefit), when surely we should all share in it. This grab must be without compensation, with no constitutional changes required.

Asseblief Oom Koos, loosen the purse-strings. You’ve been chowing since most of us only had Open-Time!

Moving on, Sundowns will be crowned for their Super Diski this weekend at Phunya Sele Sele’s ground – and deservedly so for Abafana Ba Style!

Masandawana, all the best in getting that next African star on your golden jersey.

More pertinently, the battle for the top eight in the PSL ends this weekend. 

Up to five teams can slip in or drop out, and this is very important for their bank balances. Arrows are on the brink, along with Chippa United, Bloemfontein Celtic, Wits and AmaZulu. It’s tighter than SABC’s budget!

The relegation fight is also feisty, and those chasing top eight slots are up against some fighting survival.

Look out for the SuperSport vs Baroka match, as this will be blistering hot. Ajax are surely looking to snatch three points at home to the ‘Destruction Boys’ (think Moses Mabhida), and the Bones feel they may get them.

Polokwane vs Chippa should be a draw, as it should suit both parties. Celtic will try to take advantage of Sundowns’ tired legs and attempt to spoil the cup party, as they need the points for their own ambitions.

On to rugga, and the Bulls (7/10) vs Sharks (13/10) will be the game we all have our eyes on come Saturday arvie. John Mitchell vs one Du Preez, and another Du Preez vs Handré Pollard for the ever important ‘General’ of the Boks.

Rassie ‘multiple hats’ Erasmus will surely be in the crowd, as England are on the horizon in June.

Stormers vs Chiefs are 9/10 the pair. Go for the Chiefs away, with Rebels (16/10 v Brumbies) and Sharks to cause upsets.

Bones, over and out like Arsene!

The Mercury