Durban – Hollywood is a long way from the Harry Gwala Stadium but you have to start wondering just who scribbles the scripts that play out at Maritzburg United.
The way the Kadodias are going, you simply cannot call the city of Pietermaritzburg “Sleepy Hollow” any more.
I’ve never been a “Kardashians” fan, but I’ve heard enough bits and pieces about them over the years to know that they have maintained some sort of relevance by re-inventing themselves every five minutes.
There is never a dull moment, with break-ups and make-ups, and tantrums aplenty. But we don’t need to look so far to get our weekly slice of action. South African sport has stumbled upon a family that never has a dull moment.
Ask any football writer, and they will attest that it is hard work “Keeping Up with The Kadodias”.
In this PSL season alone, they have already employed three different coaches – and we haven’t even kicked off the second half of the season. And like the very best executive producers, they already know what’s going to happen in the next episode, long before the rest of the cast do.
Now, like a buccaneering Kanye West, Steve Khompela has stepped into the coaching breach, waxing lyrical about his intentions to take the club to the next level. Of course, like the lyrical Mr West, Khompela has a way with words and is not shy to speak his mind.
It’s a plot made in TV heaven. And just look at the cast-list from seasons gone by. “The Comeback Kid”, Ian Palmer. “Mr Fix-It”, Gordon Igesund. “The Assassin”, Ernst Middendorp.
Who knows, the way things are going, any one of those could make a comeback to the club before the season is out. Palmer and Middendorp have already had two bites of the cherry.
With reality TV still keeping millions riveted to their screens on a daily basis, maybe our local producers are missing a beat by overlooking the “Team of Choice” – perhaps we should make that the “City of Many Choices”, as some have started labelling the trigger-happy PSL club.
Every other club in the PSL has a TV show these days. There’s the usual player profiles, the outreach projects and the odd chat with management, but nothing really explosive. This could break new ground, showing another side of the Kadodia clan.
They are so secretive, even sponsors won’t touch them. At first, it looked like a cultural reluctance, but that logic went out the window when Sunfoil – who used to drive past the old United training ground on a daily basis to get to work – overlooked their neighbours, and instead threw their millions into cricket, which was not exactly squeaky clean at the time.
The PSL is a product consumed across Africa, with each team enjoying at least one prime-time, live match every other week. You’d think it was a no-brainer to link up with the only club in the top-flight without a sponsor.
But the corporates have stayed away.
Does chairman Farouk Kadodia, with eyes that would make Robert de Niro quiver, really rule with the iron fist that turns employees into rice pudding?
Take poor Clinton Larsen, who was walking around at Christmas thinking he was about to orchestrate the perfect rescue mission. High up above him, in the Royal Rice offices that the club call base, the United mafia had already ordered the hit on him.
He was a dead man walking, with as much chance of seeing the New Year as a basted turkey. And he didn’t even know it.
Our spoilt public is always complaining about a lack of original content, and yet we have a golden egg on our doorstep. You don’t even need a producer. There is plenty of fresh material, just waiting for a camera.
I mean, how much do we actually know about the Kardash – I mean, the Kadodias?