DURBAN - You’ve probably seen the video of a group of young women who were apparently left with a R37 000 bill at a plush nightclub in Nelspruit, Mpumalanga.
It turns out the bill was indeed paid and all the social media craze about the tab not being paid turned out to be false.
The social media brigade peddled a story that a ‘blesser’ - those men with deep pockets and a taste for young women (who are also loosely referred to as slay queens for their high-end lifestyles) - had left the women at the club without settling the bill.
Using the video as evidence, the story was shared far and wide, with the young looking women subdued as the video pans towards the huge bill.
Items on the R37 000 bill included 15 bottles of champagne, a bottle of premium whiskey, cognac, meat platters and 10 six packs of Ice Tropez.
But now that we know the peddled story was not true, there are a still a number of lessons to take away from the incident.
` The video purportedly showing young women who had been left with a R37 000 bill. The allegation has been found to be false.
Political analyst Lukhona Mnguni took to Facebook on Wednesday morning to call on young women to live within their means and on the same breath, hit out on people who wanted to humiliate young women for not having money.
“As a straight-thinking man why would you invite someone who is a student or intern or works but doesn't earn much for drinks and a good time in an expensive place and still expect them to foot the bill with you or with an equal share as yours? This idea that there are women who are lovers of things out there and it is good that they be humiliated is disorderly. Those women don’t take themselves there. Among men there are men who see women as objects for money to be spent on them so they weaken their guard and get to enjoy more than a good time at a club and become intimate,” said Mnguni.
Mnguni said society had allowed men to peddle the idea that women were “parasitic” while absolving “trash” behaviour by men.
“Why do we allow men to foster this culture and then pretend men are victims that are powerless and without agency, suffering at the hands of parasitic women? On money spending and nice times, I have always frowned upon exorbitant bills that are more about vanity than drinks necessary for the evening. That said each one should know the company they keep and no one would ever invite people he or she knows only to humiliate them with the bill and disappear on them. In fact, that very behaviour would deserve calling out and not hero worshipping because that's not only crass but definitely trash behaviour,” he said.
Mnguni said people needed to be content and “people must live within their means until such time their circumstances change”.
“This nation is so wounded we are now willing to wound each other over everything. Once you create an expectation then you better fulfil it. Very simple,” he said.
Former University of KwaZulu-Natal SRC President Noxolo Bhengu warned young women to refrain from relying on strangers to have fun. Bhengu, who is a final year medical student, said going out to have fun was not a crime, but young women had to be extra cautious who they associated themselves with.
"We live in times where cases of femicide are dominating because at some point we lead random men on to think they own us after they paid our bills. If you feel like going out to have some fun it always better to surround yourself with people you can trust, not strangers," she said.
Bhengu warned that once big bills, young women felt that they owed the men.
"It can put someone’s life in danger because once they pay such amount for you they take advantage of that, some they feel they owe these blessers something in return once they pay their bills,” she said.
Ladies!!!!!!!! Hleng !!!! These girls went out thinking they will be sorted by their Blesser however he left them stranded with a R37k plus bill!!!!! Ladies No No No! We can’t live like this! pic.twitter.com/xROA0zNH2F
Jackie Phamotse, author of the book “Bare: The Blesser’s Game”, said young women should always make sure they covered themselves financially when going out.
“First of all why do women order expensive food or alcohol that they themselves don't afford to pay. Women must always make sure they have the cash to pay just in case a host can't pay for the bill. A person must be responsible for her intake, I think it's even unfair to the host when your guests order such expensive items they don't even afford. Make sure all the time you go out whether you invited or not, have the cash to cover yourself,” she said.
UKZN’s Catwalk graduate', Chrsyantha Chrys Palan, who holds an honours degree in media and cultural studies, said if women were ever confronted with a situation where an exorbitant bill was left unpaid by a man who had offered to pay, they should be calm and explain the situation to the manager.
“Call the manager and explain the situation to him, and that it wasn't you who was ordering the drinks. But that's why I say you need to secure yourself (financially) before being involved in a relationship, so you don't have to depend on the guy because guys do s**t like this,” she said.
Palan said the important thing for women to do was to sort themselves out and work towards stable careers and financial independence.
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