Johannesburg - Someone passionate about Soweto and the issues faced by Sowetans is Nhlanhla “Lux” Dlamini.
He is a father, and yes, often at the forefront, doing battle on various fronts concerning challenges faced by the community of Soweto. Be it drugs, crime or service delivery issues, you will find Lux there.
“We play a fatherly role to many kids because, in our community, we’ve always believed the saying, ‘It takes a village to raise a child.’ As a child, you treat your neighbours with respect and regard them as your parents. Even in our culture as black people, you take your stepbrother or stepsister as your own,” he said.
When asked how his relationship was with his father growing up, Dlamini said his father was a career criminal and was not around at times.
“I am not proud nor am I ashamed of it (that he would commit crime). He would do illegal activity. But when he was not around for whatever reason, such as being arrested, other people around me would make sure I wouldn’t miss a day in school. The men around me taught me the values that a child in any community must never get by without.”
Dlamini said he has 200 fathers around him because his father’s friends would look out for him and he regarded the elders around him as his fathers.
“Not everyone has the character to survive absent fatherhood. Some of us did survive even though he wasn’t too absent, but because of the nature of his lifestyle and work, there were moments we experienced without him,” he said.
Noting that the biggest perpetrators of gender-based violence (GBV) are men, Dlamini said it is important for men to call each other out on issues of abuse.
“We need to establish a brotherhood amongst us as men that can escalate to fatherhood – that would address GBV because we don’t call each other out as men. We talk about how abusive we are in our circles and we encourage rubbish.
“It needs to be called out very early when we see it happening – be brave enough to tell your friend he is wrong by beating up any woman, whether it is his mother, sister or partner. We need to call out the rubbish when we see it.
“In our small corners, we need to talk about the right things and encourage one another to do the right things and hold each other accountable.”
He said the Amatyma movement, which “The Sunday Independent” has partnered with, is definitely something he would endorse.
“Every man old enough to be a father must take responsibility and be part of the movement. An uncle is a father figure, a grandfather is a father figure, and the man from next door is a father figure. It extends beyond the biological meaning of father.”
He said men have always grown up believing they had to be too hard and show less affection to their fathers.
“I’ve never told my dad that I love him and I’ve never hugged him for longer than two seconds. This is because we were always taught to be hard-core as men. We need to rebuild systems that allow the boy child to say ‘I love you’ to another boy child.”
For more information, the Amatyma movement carries the Amatyma Wellness Check-in conversations every Tuesday on the Amatyma_SA Instagram page.