Tbo Touch on parenthod: dads must lead from behind

TBO Touch Molefe. Picture: Supplied

TBO Touch Molefe. Picture: Supplied

Published Aug 15, 2022

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Johannesburg - If you are a father who’s looking for a safe space to not only talk freely without fear of judgment, about issues you may be facing but also connect with others in relation to their struggles, then the Amatyma movement could be just what you need.

Established and run by businessman and author Thato ‘TT’ Mbha, the movement is a programme and platform that focuses on responsible fatherhood and brotherhood with conversations entirely focused on fathers.

And in the spirit of driving the conversation, South African Hip Hop DJ, TV personality, rapper, and entrepreneur Thabo Molefe, known as Tbo Touch, had a chat with TT.

The two men spoke candidly about matters of managing relationships, leadership in all spheres of life and more.

“What we don’t understand as breadwinners is that we play the second position in the first role. Playing second position in the first role is allowing the fact that ‘yes I’m breadwinner, I am a father but I do all of this revolving around me but it’s not about me but I’m prepared to put myself second in a position that assumes me to be leading or in charge’,” said Tbo Touch.

He added that the main reason his past relationships failed was that he always thought he had to come first.

“I felt like I had to come first because it’s simple – we grew up in homes where the father is the first one to be dished up for when supper is served, or is fed the largest piece of steak.

“There’s a book I am currently reading entitled Leaders Eat Last and what we need to understand is that leaders don’t eat last because they are a second thought, but rather, they eat last because they are fulfilled in knowing that what is under their care has provision out of their blood, sweat and tears,” he said.

The same applies when people have arguments, he said.

“We always want to have the last word, but I realised that having the last word does not mean that that is what is going to be implemented. I’ve seen relationships go wrong over an argument that could’ve been avoided.

“So as fathers, our responsibility is to know that we are not just on the field but we are on the bench and we are also on reserve for that emergency to strike. You lead better from behind because as a racer, you have a better chance of winning when coming from behind, so lead from behind,” he said.

He said his two sons were always watching the way he handled arguments with their mothers or issues in the house.

“Always remember that the one who is observing from the back is taking notes and watching your conduct – that is how children behave. They watch how you handle issues, how you speak and more.

“We have a problem as parents not understanding that those who are under our care, are not only there to take (instructions as well) but they are there to test our leadership. Your child can test you on having a different view on a certain matter. We need to be cognisant of that and the leadership style we take on in parenting.”

He believes it’s important for one to have friends from whom one can borrow wisdom, so they can learn from them as they go on this journey of fatherhood.

“Some of us have difficulty connecting with male figures because we were always taught that something is a certain way without challenging it. TT has created a safe space with his daughters, because they know they can go to him for anything. That is admirable as a father,” added Tbo Touch.

For more information, the Amatyma movement carries the Amatyma Wellness Check-in conversations every Tuesday on the Amatyma_SA Instagram page.