There I was sitting in front of a naked man and, he is not even my husband.
He wore a pink cowboy hat with a matching bowtie and boots. All the innocence I had associated with the colour took on a different meaning as this naked man brandished his penis in front of me. Black girls don’t blush. So, I blushed as he moved his gaze from me to his workstation.
“Smile,” he said encouragingly, almost oblivious of the crowd around us.
Some bystanders gasped and others were perturbed. It is not every day that you get to see a man painting a work of art using his penis.
Pricasso, as he is known, lives in Australia and travels the world showcasing his unique talent.
He is currently one of the main attractions at the Nasrec Sexpo 2012, which closes on Sunday.
He uses his penis, scrotum and buttocks to create his masterpieces. He videotapes the entire process to prove authenticity.
I sat there squirming, perspiring and trying to distract myself by listening to Lady Gaga’s song, Born This Way, which blared from the hall’s speakers.
Pricasso can paint with either hand, but he prefers using his nether regions.
He has been painting this way for seven years and has painted ordinary people, celebrities and politicians.
He does not like revealing his age. Pricasso says he is old enough to know better.
He makes his own paint and does not suffer from any erectile dysfunction or infections. His paints are water-based.
“Give me that big smile,” Pricasso teases with a glint in his eyes. At this point, my cheeks were burning.
What had sounded like a great idea in the newsroom, ended up being the longest and most embarrassing moment of my life.
Cameras clicked away and Pricasso kept rubbing his bum with colours of purple, pink and orange against my likeness.
“Whatever you do, don’t look,” I said to myself, trying to avoid eye contact with his genitals.
But for reporting purposes, I had to know, is it disfigured, is it a “boastful size”?
And what standard do I have to measure it against?
Mills and Boon – that was my answer.
These romantic novels have perfected the art of describing the male species and his tool, from “rock-solid manhood” to “a hard and steeled”. All I could say for Pricasso’s brush was, it is umm, well-endowed.
Sexpo 2012 is pregnant with promise. A few of the acts include award-winning porn star Jesse Jane, pole dancers and the Pussy Room. Exhibitors include Adultworld, Durex, Lolly Lounge and Lola Montez.
Be prepared to have a titillating experience.