Opinion - I have a theory about driving.
I feel that the extent of one’s vocabulary of bad or foul language is proportionate to the amount of time you spend driving your vehicle.
It is while in control of a sometimes powerful, moving piece of machinery that we can easily lose control of our tempers.
You can lose other things too - like your life.
The bad habits of fellow motorists sometimes drive us up the wall - hopefully not literally.
I am sure that each of you has your own pet hates of other drivers’ habits.
I firmly believe that if we all strictly adhere to the rules of the road as we learnt to do when we all (hopefully) got our valid drivers’ licences, then there should be no crashes.
If you keep to your lane, indicate when you are turning, drive within the allocated speed, then you should be safe on the roads.
However, that can only happen in an ideal world.
What with cowboy taxi drivers, inebriated motorists and speed merchants, we need to drive while keeping an eye on all four directions.
Add to that unlicensed drivers and discourteous road users and you have the recipe for a cocktail of disaster.
My pet driving peeve is no, wait let me illustrate it for you.
One fine day, I was moseying along in my car when I saw a spanking-new German saloon speed up next to me and then overtake and get into my lane. No warning.
That seriously revved my motor. I raced behind him and caught up with the offender at a red traffic signal.
Pulling up next to him, I opened my window and the following was the conversation that ensued:
Me: “Hey, lovely wheels you have there.”
Him: “Thanks man.”
Me: “Got a lot of features hey? All high-tech stuff?”
Him: “Too many.”
Me: (as I timed the traffic signal light going green) “Pity it has so many gadgets, but has not got a simple thing like an indicator.”
I sped off leaving a very puzzled, then upset, moron.
Speaking of driving morons, there was another who cut in front of me once as I was turning from Umgeni Road and left into Goble Road. Dangerous act.
I leaned on my hooter, which infuriated him, and he pulled off to the side of the road. I pulled off alongside him, equally angry.
On enquiring what his problem was, he proceeded to cast aspersions on the legality of my birth.
No one picks on my mother, so I promptly told him to do a “vulgar exit” and I sped away.
Don’t try that please, as only professional stuntmen were involved.
Seriously though, in both cases I got off rather lightly. These days, at the slightest provocation, many drivers resort to road rage.
They may have had a bad day at work or an argument at home, his dog may have died and, as a result, even a small aggravation can bring out the worst in an individual.
Numerous video clips go viral on social media, which depict road rage.
One such recently showed an elderly man attacking a younger man because he was following his car too closely.
The air turned blue with the language of the older man and he assaulted the younger man with a wooden bat of sorts.
A few days later a very strange video clip also went viral and, surprisingly, the two main stars were the same ones who were involved in the above altercation.
This time, however, the older man was on his knees. No, he was not beaten down.
The younger man was sitting in a chair and the older one was busy washing his feet. It was an act of asking for forgiveness.
It was a big gesture which was graciously received and all was well between the two again.
Not all traffic spats end as amicably like that. Rather be calm and avoid confrontation.
When I was a novice driver, I mentally created a scenario where, while driving, I could vent my feelings on fellow motorists.
I imagined a car where at the top of the rear windscreen would be a digital screen where the motorist behind you could read words punched in by you the driver.
Or, to be safer, your computer could have a choice of appropriate sentences from which you could choose and it would be displayed on the rear screen.
These could include sayings such as “keep away from my bumper”, “don’t test your brakes on my rear” or, more explicit, “drive slower you (insert your choice of insult here)”.
Eish, but you cannot have something like that these days.
The car in front of you may “speak ” to you and then whole conversations could start.
Driving would then be the last thing on your mind. Bad idea. But sounds fun.
Seriously, we are approaching what is known as the “silly season”. The season to be jolly. To some jolly equals drunk.
So be extra wary when driving. Company parties will be rife and inebriated drivers galore.
Do your bit to strictly adhere to the rules of the road. Be alert and courteous to other drivers. Hopefully then you and I will not meet by accident.