#SAMarriageWeek: Pursue conscious relationships

Live fully in the moment, says the writer. Picture: Pexels.Com

Live fully in the moment, says the writer. Picture: Pexels.Com

Published Sep 6, 2019

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LIFESTYLE - SA Marriage Week is marked from 1 to 7 September. Kas Naidoo looks at love beyond the fairy-tale myth of "happily ever after" and pursuing conscious relationships.

As children, we read fairy tales that involve a prince finding a princess. They fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after.

With the worldwide divorce rate of 53%, we know this is not the reality that most people experience. The “falling in love” phase is amazing and, as a result, we believe we know what this 53% don’t know.

The fact is, when this 53% started their relationship, they also believed they were going to live happily ever after.

If you were buying a car and the salesperson told you it would work 47% of the time, would you buy it, or would you ensure it was in good running order first?

Don’t you think it’s time to get ourselves educated and learn the skills to create healthy, happy relationships?

No one teaches us how to be a great partner and get our needs met. No one teaches us how to resolve the conflict that will arise between two independent people, with their own views of how life should be. No one teaches us how to connect on a deep level, so both partners feel seen, loved and appreciated.

* Living consciously

It’s time to create conscious relationships and this can only happen between two people who are living consciously themselves. So what does living consciously actually mean? To understand it fully, we must first define living unconsciously.

“The lack of mindfulness often makes us carry the unnecessary possessions, stale ideologies and rotten relationships along, which unnecessarily clutter our lives and consciousness, and stagnate our growth,” said mystic Banani Ray.

Being unconscious, means we do not question our beliefs, behaviour, choices, and actions. We take what we learned subconsciously, from the previous generations and from our life experiences, and keep repeating the same patterns. Then we wonder why we keep attracting the same relationships or why we are always in debt or cannot heal from a physical ailment.

If we had great role models for happy, healthy relationships - abundant wealth, health and vitality - then you wouldn’t be reading this.

If you are, then the chances are you are tired of the harmful patterns in your life that are on repeat and are ready to shift that. We can move from living reactively to living creatively. Change begins with awareness. Before we can make changes, we need to admit that our lives are not working the way we want it to. We want a deeper connection and meaning, we want to live in the flow instead of struggle and frustration.

* That first step forward

Making this decision is the first step to living consciously. The ultimate is when we live in the moment, unattached to the opinions of others, or the rules that keep us caged, or the limiting beliefs that keep us playing small.

We are unattached to age, beauty, name brands and the differences that separate us from people of different colour or religions.

We live from a deeper connection with the creator, with humanity and with the planet. From this place, we can do no harm.

At the very least, living consciously means we are kind and non-judgmental. We understand we are here on a journey to learn and grow, and sometimes the challenges are gut-wrenching. We feel greater compassion and acceptance of one another. It is easier to be supportive and understanding. We work together for the greater good.

* The conscious relationship

So let’s see what a conscious relationship looks like.

Two people come together, not with a set of needs and expectations that they hope the other will fulfil, but instead as beings responsible for their own journeys.

Both partners are on their own paths of personal growth and support each other to be the best versions of themselves.

It frees, instead of restricting. I want for my partner what he wants for himself.

I will support and challenge him to realise his own dreams and aspirations. The love is unconditional.

It is ever-evolving and expanding. We decide together what we choose to experience and co-create it.

Life together is not perfect but it is loving, meaningful and satisfying. Whether you are in a relationship or looking for a partner, you can start today - to be more loving, kind, supportive and uplifting.

What you give, will return to you. What a blissful adventure it will be.

*Naidoo is a Durban-based life and relationships coach. Her next workshop dates on Creating Conscious Relationships are September 7 and 14. Visit http://nextlevelup.co.za. Email: [email protected] or call 0627498855.

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