Teen Suicide: Be the parents our teens need, says mom

Natasha Kisten, formerly of Chatsworth and now living in Joburg, and her son, Ashton Apollis, 16. Picture: Supplied

Natasha Kisten, formerly of Chatsworth and now living in Joburg, and her son, Ashton Apollis, 16. Picture: Supplied

Published Feb 29, 2020

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LIFESTYLE - “DON’T be deceived by a child who looks perfectly normal but is fighting his or her own personal demons.”

These are the words of Natasha Kisten, formerly of Chatsworth and now living in Joburg.

Kisten, 42, is a qualified aircraft instrument mechanic and lifestyle blogger. She is also mother to Ashton, 16, and Skylar Apollis, 11.

Kisten spoke to the POST

during Teen Suicide Prevention Week, which was observed from February 16 to 23.

Her eldest son, although not suicidal, has been managing an array of mental health conditions, including depression.

Kisten and Ashton have been vocal about his conditions in a bid to raise awareness around teenage mental health, with the aim of dispelling taboos in the community about discussing such matters.

Ashton was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and mild depression at the age of 9.

Five years later, his condition was aggravated by teenage hormonal changes and he was diagnosed with clinical depression and borderline personality disorder.

“His condition has progressed over time with teen hormones playing a role,” said Kisten.

“As a family, we have had to change the way we function. We have become more adaptable in how we think and do things. Rest, fitness and nutrition are key and we can attest to the fact that focusing on these three elements benefit Ashton hugely.”

She recalled her first thought, on hearing that her teen son was depressed and cutting himself.

“It was a complete and utter devastation.

“I immediately blamed myself and was overwhelmed with guilt. I found myself asking, ‘Why us?’ and ‘Why him?’”

The POST asked whether worrying about what people would say, made things harder at first.

“I’ve never been one to worry what others think, but this is a taboo topic which has resulted in so many families living in silence.

“Culture is a huge stumbling block and is one of the reasons we are losing our teens (to suicide) at an alarming rate.”

Kisten said openly communicating and not concealing Ashton’s mental health issues helped them work through his condition over the years.

“We are such talkers. We talk about absolutely everything. Communication with a non-punitive response has provided my boys with the confidence and courage to come to me with the obstacles they face.

“Talking freely and openly plays a vital role in tackling mental health issues head-on.

“Teenagers want to be heard and understood, and it’s time we be the parents our teens need.”

She said taking positive steps had also helped.

Kisten and Ashton volunteer at the Human Library, an international organisation and learning platform where volunteers use their personal dialogues to challenge stigma and stereotypes.

Kisten said the Human Library initiative created a safe space for dialogue, where topics were discussed openly between human books and their readers.

“All the human books are volunteers with personal experience with their topics.

“So, for example, a reader would attend a Human Library event and pull me out as a human book and they can choose any topic to discuss with me, for example, dealing with teenage depression as a mother. And we would discuss the issue.”

The Human Library is a place where difficult questions are expected, appreciated and answered.

The library is looking into opening a hub in Durban.

Its next event will be on March 21 in Bloemfontein.

For more information, visit Facebook/humanlibrarysa.

* Teenage suicide, depression and related matters have been in the spotlight throughout the week.

The SA Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag) said its toll-free suicide crisis helpline received a number of calls from teenagers who phoned in for themselves or on behalf of a friend.

It said the most at-risk age group for suicide had been identified as adolescents.

Zamo Mbele, a clinical psychologist and Sadag board member, said: “Teen suicides are real and rob many young people of a future and our society of a future.

“Let us speak about teen suicide, so we may never have to in the future.”

Cassey Chambers, Sadag’s director, said: “Take every suicide mention, threat and attempt seriously.

“Those who have attempted suicide before, if left untreated and unmanaged, are at a greater risk of attempting or completing a suicide.”

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