Once you start breeding, it is a truism that “holidays” are all about keeping the kids busy. Entertained and happy too, of course, but mostly busy… very busy. In fact so busy they are absolutely shattered at the end of the day.
Resistance becomes futile, the white flag is raised and an early bed negotiated. Choose the wrong destination and it could all go very wrong, with the parents left shattered and weeping come sundown instead of the children.
Simon suggests a shift towards the more child-friendly, activity-filled family resort. The following recommendations may be just what you are looking for. Give it a whirl. Who knows, you might even find time for an afternoon siesta.
Kobb Inn Beach Resort
Willowvale Area, Wild Coast, Qhorha Mouth, 047 499 0011
This is not called the Wild Coast for nothing. Barely thirty exhilarating metres from my chalet, waves pounded the rocks in huge swells and rips that have been the demise of many a stricken vessel.
Xhosa chieftains have traditionally owned this unspoilt land, which, leased to the Kob Inn, ensures a close relationship with local communities. You may even recognise in your bedroom mural one of the village scenes that you pass on the 32km drive from the highway to get here… including wandering cattle, so go slowly.
Soon after arriving I was guided through a labyrinth of thatch, first to the earthy comfort of my room… and then to a bar whose deck juts out like a prow.
Sunday night was braai night and, having heaped my plate, I joined a Durban couple who come every year because they love the lack of commercialism. Waking from the sleep equivalent of the Mariana Trench, I took breakfast to the sound of laughter from a group of elderly travellers who epitomised the prevailing informal atmosphere.
The Kob Inn staff are keen and were only too happy to guide me to one of their favourite places, the mouth of the Jujura River.
Honeymooners will love the privacy of deserted lagoons, but with so much to do on and off the water (kayaking, boating, quad-biking, games room), this is a brilliant place for families, and children will be exceptionally well looked after.
Umngazi River Bungalows
Umngazi River Mouth, Wild Coast, Port St Johns, 047 564 1115/6/7
The wild coast may be South Africa’s most spectacular and yet least touristy region with its rocky coastline, indigenous forests, secluded coves and many river mouths. And all this is on your doorstep at Umngazi, a lively family holiday resort where the only time you will spend indoors will be to sleep and eat.
The relaxed and informal lodge is on the banks of the Umngazi estuary so you can choose between swimming in the pool, the river or the sea, fishing off rocks or boats, and walking in the forests. Bird-watching cruises are also organised for sunset.
Ferries transport guests over to the beach from a river jetty.
Meanwhile, back at home you will be missing out on tennis, snooker and table tennis. I guarantee that a week here, however lazy you are, will see the colour back in your cheeks and a bit of muscle on the arms and legs. And your sense of time will go haywire.
Children are well catered for with trampoline, fort, sandpit and designated dining room. You have a choice of sea-, river- or garden-front cottages, four honeymoon suites with spa baths and double outside showers, and the new Ntabeni (two luxury suites with panoramic views of the estuary, a buggy service, in-house pampering and canapés served at 5pm).
You can fly in from Durban at 500 feet above sea level along the coastline, a great start to a holiday.
The spa offers a signature four-hand Pondo massage and an Umoja couples treatment (one for the romantics) with 180º views of the Indian Ocean.
Crawford’s Beach Lodges
Chintsa East, 043 738 5000
I’d heard guests dine well here, so I arrived cunningly early, just in time for lunch. The hearty dining room buffet did not disappoint… and the sea view was spectacular, two humpbacks explosively breaching in the distance.
A beach walkway ushered me forth for a postprandial closer look. My deep solitary footprints seemed to be the only sign of human life for kilometres in all directions.
Plenty of marine life, though. Right before me a pod of dolphins were surfing in the breakers, and just beyond I could see the whales’ huge propeller-shaped tails rise in salute before submerging again.
This natural idyll harmonises well with the naturalness of Crawford’s itself, a lodge with chalet-style accommodation, perfect for families. The design can be attributed to Ian, while the interiors are a credit to Lyn. Natural materials – wood, thatch, pine, bamboo, clay – effectively set off the bright kelims, super-comfortable beds and studded leather sofas.
As for things to do, boredom is just not on the menu here. The pool, horse-riding, tennis court, playground, guided hikes, spa treatments and games room will get the blood up and the muscles working.
Plus there’s the big five at Inkwenkwezi Game Park only 7km away, boat-based whale-watching and even wave jumping for those who have an urge.
But should you wish simply to unwind, consider the lounge, my favourite room, with its stacks of hardcover photography books and the telescope for studying the animated ocean life through the A-framed window. Essentially, there’s something for everyone. This is a worthy Wild Coast gem.
Ghost Mountain Inn
Fish Eagle Rd, Mkuze, 035 573 1025
I’d been looking forward to visiting Ghost Mountain, if only for the name, but how my excitement increased when I pulled into the car park and saw 26 pristine vintage Bentleys warming up for a day’s adventure. Not what I had expected deep in the heart of Zululand.
This is definitely a hotel (50 rooms) and thus not a typical GG entry. But I have no doubts about its suitability for this guide.
Craig, who is the very charming owner, will instantly make you feel at home. In fact, I cursed myself for not organising to stay the night after he informed me, over a particularly rich and dark shot of coffee, that there was a boat trip to watch elephants drinking at nearby Lake Jozini or a trail in Hluhluwe-Umfolozi Park on offer if I wished to join them.
I didn’t even have time to sample a massage in the luxurious on-site health spa. Oh unhappy hour. I did, however, get to wander through the vast gardens that look up to Ghost Mountain (with its spooky history) and admire the fantastic double-trunked sycamore fig tree that stands next to a deep and inviting swimming pool.
Naturally the rooms are also top notch: flat-screen TVs for sports lovers, reed lampshades that cast gentle shadows across soft white linen and a private patio looking across to the Lebombo mountains.
I cast a green eye on those beautiful Bentleys as Craig escorted me back to my car. His phone rang and he apologetically made his excuses. A Zulu princess was expected for lunch and arrangements had to be made.
Bikes are available for guests’ use.
Botlierskop Private Game Reserve
Little Brak River, 044 696 6055
The Garden Route is best known for its scenery and sea life, so the last thing I expected to see as I navigated the back roads was a rhino. But there it was, chewing the cud like a contented cow. Botlierskop is a private game reserve that brings the big game south.
It’s not as wild as its northern counterparts (the lions are in a sanctuary) but it’s a magical place, set in 3 000 hectares of grassy plains and forested sandstone hills. The park is open to day visitors, who use a separate day centre.
Two real highlights are Sam and Tsotsi, orphaned elephants – now proud parents – who are trained not only in giving rides but also as actors. Did you see Far off Place? Or Elephant Boy? Trust me, they were great.
Morning coffee with the rhino is also a must and I found nibbling on live termites pleasantly minty.
Overnighters are appointed their own private guide and I had Billy, an animal almanac and rock art aficionado. From the cavernous hilltop restaurant, he ushered me into a dinghy and we drifted off down the wooded Moordkuil River before he showed me to my tent.
More marquees than tents, each is set above the river, giving a splendid view of both the water and the hills opposite. Inside it’s luxury with a capital ‘L’; deep armchairs, a writing desk and a room-for-two bath accompany the mosquito-netted four-poster.
One tip though: zip it closed when you leave for the swimming pool – the vervet monkeys have a penchant for coffee and cookies.
Helicopter flights and spa treatments are two more reasons to visit.
De Zeekoe Guest Farm
Zeekoegat Farm, R328 (road to Mossel Bay), Oudtshoorn, 044 272 6721
Right in the heart of ostrich country you’ll find De Zeekoe, whose dusty plains are ringed by mountains holding back the coastal cloud.
I arrived on a sultry afternoon and took refuge in the cool, tile-floored farmhouse among soft leather chairs, vibrant oil landscapes and low windows.
Next door, a large dining room overlooking the Outeniqua mountains and river bed promised a memorable supper and the slickly luxurious main house rooms lured me in from the indigenous gardens, source of many of the chef’s ingredients.
Beyond the saltwater pool is a wall of reeds where fish eagles nest, and beyond that a river – the farm is named after the hippos once found here – where you can quietly canoe under a reliable summer sun. The farm stretches over 2 000 hectares, home to springbok, ostriches, cattle and alfalfa stretching as far as the eye can see, so borrow a bike and introduce yourself.
But I lost my heart to my rustic waterfront cabin – one of only four, so ensure you ask for one of these early on. In a washed-blue dawn, the mountains now faintly outlined like mascara, bright birds busied about the reeds (there are 250 species to spot). I sat on the deck, its legs planted firmly in the dam, as my neighbour cast his line.
So beautiful, so peaceful… De Zeekoe completely relaxed me and I long to return.
Beauty therapies, small weddings and functions available. Wild meerkat tours done on the reserve. All activities subject to weather conditions. - Sunday Tribune