Double-decker high flier

Published Nov 10, 2009

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The giant Superjumbo whispered down the runway, then silent as a Frenchman sneaking past a cuckolded husband, soared up on its historic journey from Hamburg to Paris.

Corks popped and champagne flowed as Air France executives celebrated a milestone - the first European carrier to operate an A380 - and assorted journalists celebrated the free flow of fermented fruit.

The A380 has been hailed as "cleaner, greener, quieter and smarter" than any of its predecessors, boasting equivalent capacity to a Boeing 777-200 and an Airbus A340-300 combined with a 20 percent reduction in operating costs.

Indeed, the engineers who built this sky ferry should be applauded.

With its bulbous forehead and beaked whale body, the A380 may not be the best-looking plane ever made, but we should admire its quiet engines, its 13 000km range, its ability to take off on conventional runways and its parsimonious petrol habits. Using less fuel per passenger than a Peugeot, Air France happily reports that fuel consumption has been even better than the Airbus forecast.

Jacques Aubourg, A380 Project manager for Air France, said the A380 scored on all three criteria the airline had set - operating economics, environmental impact and customer appeal.

Short of teleportation, the Superjumbo is arguably the most efficient carrier in the skies today.

On board, the A380 hides its bulk well. You are rarely conscious of the sheer number of fellow passengers - 538 served by 22 flight attendants in Air France's configuration - because they're spread across two decks that run the length of the aircraft, linked by staircases at the front and rear.

The biggest bonus is the extra space to walk around in and it was on such an airborne sojourn that I got my first offer to join the "mile-high club". A young French TV journalist called Eric accosted me, clutching a bottle of champagne.

After some polite chit-chat and the clink of toasting glasses, the cheeky devil leaned closer and said: "Would you like to make some cuddles wiz me?"

I nearly choked on my bubbly. "Certainly not," I spluttered.

"Do I look like I'd be happy with one leg stuck down the lavatory and a tap in the small of my back? Mon Dieu, monsieur! Apart from that, I'm old enough to be your mother, possibly your grandmother, and - oh yes - I'm married."

"Tant pis," he murmured looking suitably bereft. "Your 'usband is... 'ow you say? De la chance!"

He cast a look of naked yearning in my direction as I sauntered off in the direction of the La Premiere First Class quarter, which was far more my speed. It offers nine flat-bed seats, a private changing cabin, and massage-equipped "Private Suites" - possibly more suitable for a lofty encounter with its remote controlled doors, electrically controlled mini-bar and the most advanced in-flight entertainment system available .

Business-class is luxurious, Air France having fitted 80 extra-wide seats with video screens of 38cm, but for the rest of us plebs, there's slim hope that our days of cramped cattle-class flying might be over.

The economy class seat - there are 449 on two decks - is the widest in the Air France fleet but, sadly, this does not say much.

You may still find yourself with your nose wedged under a fat man's armpit on one side and a deodorant dodger with a productive sniff, on the other. On the plus side, you can now download your data.

Each seat on the aircraft has a USB port and a new in-flight entertainment system: 1 100 on-demand channels, seat-to-seat phone and e-mail. Coolest of all is live footage of the flight's progress streamed from three exterior cameras - providing a surreal out-of-plane experience.

"Air traffic is set to double in the next 15 years, but airport capacity will not," said Carole Peytavin, spokeswoman for Air France's Research and Development team, during a handover ceremony in Hamburg. Am I the only one who finds this a bit worrying?

Life might well be worse at airports because to accommodate these giants the gates have to be further apart. Walk past four A380s to reach your plane and you will have walked the length of at least four tennis courts - presuming you get past the check-in, that is.

Who hasn't experienced the ludicrous queues at almost every airport these days? So imagine their length when there are, like, six A380s scheduled to depart within 15 minutes of one another.

With seating for 560 on each plane, that means 3 360 people to be interrogated, 6 720 shoes to be removed and inspected, 3 360 suitcases to be loaded, 3 360 pieces of hand luggage to be X-rayed and countless pairs of tweezers and tubes of handcream or cherry-flavoured lip balm to be confiscated.

Luggage retrieval will no doubt be equally hectic. Will the A380 airlines spend the money they save on fuel by employing more check-in staff? Will Jackie Selebi invite Glenn Agliotti for Christmas lunch this year? Maybe not, hey. You may need to arrive at the terminal at least four hours before take-off.

A380 flights will begin between Paris and Johannesburg (OR Tambo) in February next year.

Now, that might just rattle the teacups in Germiston!

The A380 in numbers

- 538 passengers

- 22 cabin crew

- 13 000km Operating Range

- 2.9 litres of fuel consumption per passenger

- 20 percent fewer gas emissions than the A330

- 3 doors for boarding and disembarkation

- 50 percent more floor space than the Boeing 747

- 12 A380s on order for Air France

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